loveisrespect Blog

April 27th - May 3rd is National Volunteer Week, a week created in 1974 to recognize and celebrate volunteerism. Since our launch in February 2007, National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline our volunteers have given about 1,800 hours, equivalent to 19,000 dollars in value. Most of our volunteers serve as Peer Advocates, and are between the ages of 16-24. Not only do they complete a 40 hour training, and take calls and chats from those that contact the helpline, but they are also involved in community outreach - they volunteer to recruit other volunteers and promote the helpline at community events in Austin. Recently, our volunteers have participated on behalf of the helpline at the University of Texas Take Back the Night rally and the annual Walk for SafePlace (a local domestic violence shelter).

We appreciate our volunteers all of the time, but we’ll be taking extra steps to appreciate them this week. And if you’re in Austin and interested in volunteer opportunities, visit the Get Involved section of our website for more information.

 Tim Gunn, chief creative director for Liz Claiborne and star of Bravo’s Project Runway, was gracious enough to stop by our office for a visit while in Austin this morning. Tim served as one of the judges for our Dating Bill of Rights video contest last year. Some of our volunteer peer advocates showed up early to demonstrate our live chat for him. Volunteers, staff, (and everyone else in the building) were very excited to meet him.

We were very excited to find out that loveisrespect.org has been nominated for a Webby Award. The People’s Voice Webby’s are open to public voting - and there’s tons of categories for websites, online video, and other interactive technology. Visit http://pv.webbyawards.com/ to register, check out all the great websites, and vote. You’ll find loveisrespect.org in the Society- ACTIVISM category (along with a few other great nominees).

I really want to break up with my girlfriend, but she says that if I do, she’ll tell my family that I’m gay. I don’t want to see her anymore. She freaks out if I talk to any of my friends, and she always has to know where I am. But my parents don’t know that I’m a lesbian, and I’m afraid of how they’ll react if she tells them. I don’t know what to do. Can you help me?

Obviously, it’s really unfair of your girlfriend to put you in this situation. She is trying to keep you in the relationship by blackmailing you. An abusive or controlling person will often make threats to reveal secrets to friends or family in order to have control over their partner.

It sounds like you really want to end this relationship, and with good reason. Hopefully, she won’t follow through with her threats if you do break up with her. You shouldn’t be forced to come out to anyone before you’re ready. If you think she is serious, you may even want to consider telling your parents first - but that is up to you. An organization like the GLBT National Youth Talkline can offer you peer counseling concerning coming out and parent issues.

We hope you’ll also call or chat with one of our Peer Advocates about your relationship and ending it safely. Our advocates are trained to help teens in any type of dating relationship. Your call or chat will remain confidential - you don’t even have to give your name. You can call 1-866-331-9474 (1-866-331-8453 TTY) or chat with us through www.loveisrespect.org.

  I broke up with my boyfriend and now he’s posting pictures of me naked on MySpace. He says he won’t stop until I get back together with him. What should I do?

When you break up with someone that has been abusive, they will often try to get you back by threatening or harassing you, or even by trying to humiliate and blackmail you.  Trying to reason with someone who is doing things like this doesn’t usually work, and obviously getting back together with someone that has abused you would only make the situation better for the moment.

Setting your profile to private or deleting it might be one option. But while that may stop your ex from contacting you directly, it won’t stop him from writing or posting photos on his profile- or harassing your friends.

MySpace has rules concerning what users can post and use their profiles for. Harassment, threats of physical harm and sexual exploitation (that would include posting photographs of you naked) are against the rules.

Here are some things you might try:

If there’s a possibility your ex may know the password to your profile, change it now. Make sure you new password is something they won’t easily guess.

Keep copies of any harassing messages, comments, or photos he sends to you or post on your profile or their own. Don’t respond to the messages. There’s no point. 

Delete any comments or photos your ex has left on your profile. Ask your friends to remove any postings your ex leaves on their profiles about you.

Click the Report Abuse link at the bottom of his MySpace profile. They will not know you have reported their profile.  If your ex is harassing any of your friends, ask them to do the same.

Block your ex from viewing your profile and remove them from your friend list. Ask your friends to do the same.

If you have more questions or need more help, one of our peer advocates would be happy to talk to you. You can contact us by phone at 1-866-331-9474 (1-866 331-8453 TTY) or by chat at www.loveisrespect.org.

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