HolaKo's blog

Relationship: Please Define

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 03:45 -- HolaKo

Facebook official? Friends with benefits? Just benefits? The labels for relationships can go on and on. To us at loveisrespect.org, it doesn’t matter what name you place on your relationship, as long as it is healthy for both partners and you both agree to it.

Are you not sure if you’re both on the same page? Bring up these points and compare notes with your partner to know how to proceed with your relationship.

Exclusivity: This one is first because it is most important. Set clear boundaries so don’t unintentionally hurt or get hurt by your partner. This includes a wide range of behaviors. Can you date other people? Can you dance with other people? Remember that in a healthy relationship, one partner never dictates what the other can or cannot do. This step is just making sure that you both know the extent of your relationship.

Affection: Public displays of affection can make a partner really uncomfortable if not used to holding hands, kisses on the cheek, hugs, and everything else.

Time: How often are you going to hang out? If one person has a billion things on their plate and the other doesn’t, this can be a deal-breaker. Things can be different depending on schedules, so be sure to let your partner what your plans are.

Clinging or Controlling?

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 01:20 -- HolaKo

Photo courtesy of tripuEvery relationship has growing pains when partners are trying to understand each other. Sometimes, it may feel like even though your partner is speaking your language, they are speaking in tongues because their feelings behind the words are so different from your own. Getting used to your new partner’s habits can take some time and require a hefty dose of patience. Some partners need constant communication while his or her partner feels like they are bombarded by a wave of messages. We here at loveisrespect get a lot of questions from our callers and chatters about what behaviors are just signs of clingy partner and which may point to a controlling partner. Knowing where the fine line is between clinging and controlling can be tough.

Our Board Member On Being Honored at the White House

Mon, 11/07/2011 - 02:09 -- HolaKo

YAB Nicole

We're so excited to announce that one of our Youth Advisory Board members was recognized at the White House for her efforts as a Champion for Change. This is an awesome opportunity for her, both as an advocate for change and as a representative of loveisrespect.org and Break the Cycle. Below is a blog post she wrote sharing her journey as an activist and her experience as a Champion for Change.

Moving On After a Break Up

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 02:46 -- HolaKo

A familiar chatter surrounds Rihanna after last week’s premiere of her controversial video for her latest single “We Found Love.” The video opens with a monologue about the difficulty of moving on after a break up. The narrator saying things like “You almost feel ashamed, that someone could be that important - that without them, you feel like nothing,” and “When it’s over and it’s gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so you could have the good.” For the remainder of the video, Rihanna and her music video boyfriend act out the sequence of a romance that quickly spirals from unhealthy behaviors to an abusive relationship. We don’t know what Rihanna was trying to say with this video, but the dizzy, hard-to-watch storyline has viewers questioning its parallel to Rihanna’s former relationship with singer Chris Brown.



Staying Safe on Campus

Mon, 10/17/2011 - 01:49 -- HolaKo

Photo courtesy of Parker Michael KnightWhether you are leaving an abusive relationship or currently in one, staying safe when you are living with your parents can look very different from staying safe in college surrounded by your peers. It can be overwhelming to let what feels like complete strangers know about your situation, but it is more important that you do what you can to keep yourself safe, including letting resident advisors, dorm security, roommates or anyone else in your new collegiate life know. There are a lot of resources available on many campuses that you can look into. Here are some common ones:

    • Campus Safety classes- We know that you may feel like you will already know a lot of this, but these classes can offer safety tips tailored for your new community. Gyms, campus police or the health center may offer something like this. Classes like these are common in the beginning of the semester, so do a little research into when something similar on your campus is.


43% of College Women Experience Violence and Abusive Dating Behaviors

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 23:00 -- HolaKo

Love is Not Abuse, a program of our founding sponsor Liz Claiborne, has revealed the findings of their recent study of dating abuse among college students. The results? Dating violence and abuse among college students is more prevalent on college campuses than previously believed.

The survey, “Liz Claiborne Inc.’s Love Is Not Abuse 2011 College Dating Violence and Abuse Poll,” was conducted by Knowledge Networks to address the lack of data on dating violence and abuse among college students. Knowledge Networks interviewed 508 college students including 330 women and 178 men for the study.

According to the findings, a significant number of college women are victims of dating violence.

International Women’s Friendship Month Photo Contest

Thu, 09/08/2011 - 23:00 -- HolaKo

It’s September and we here at loveisrespect are celebrating International Women’s Friendship Month. Just like it’s important to build healthy relationships with your significant other, your friendships should be healthy too. Friends are great for advice and support when you’re going through something difficult. You can also do your part to be a good friend by helping your friend out when he or she is experiencing dating abuse. Whether you’re being a good listener or giving them a place to stay when they have a rough night, your friendship is invaluable.

Because so many young adults experience dating abuse, Kappa Delta launched a campaign called “Friends Say the Tough Stuff…So Say It.” This campaign encourages friends to offer support and intervention when they believe a friend may be experiencing an unhealthy relationship.

A Little Respect

Sun, 09/04/2011 - 23:00 -- HolaKo

Summer is coming to a close and school is almost back in session. As football season, a new batch of classes and your school year sleep schedule gear up this fall, you have the opportunity to educate your school about dating violence.

Consider the activities you’re in at school, and how you might use those to help spread the word. Are you on the Student Council? Suggest placing hand-outs about dating abuse around your school. Are you on your school’s yearbook or newspaper staff? You might be able to place an article about dating violence or healthy dating in an upcoming edition of your publication.

Zelda Mayer, one of our volunteers for loveisrespect shared her experience of working at the Helpline in her high school’s news publication, The Featherduster. Here’s an excerpt from her article below:

It was cold and damp, and I had failed. I fastened my seat belt, watching the windshield wipers swipe back and forth. Twenty four hours of training and twice that many volunteering, but at that moment I felt power­less.

Documentary Seeks Interviews

Mon, 08/29/2011 - 23:00 -- HolaKo

For those involved in abuse, sharing their story can be a healing experience. We were recently contacted by a major national TV network that is filming a documentary on dating abuse. The network seeks both the perspective of the survivor and the abuser in order to create a holistic portrayal of dating violence.

If you are between the ages of 18 and 21 and feel comfortable talking about your experiences, we invite you to download this document and apply.

When Courting Gets Creepy

Thu, 08/25/2011 - 23:00 -- HolaKo

A lot of us want to know: was Jim Carrey being creepy or funny when he sent Emma Stone his video love letter? In case you’ve missed the story, a video circulated yesterday in which Jim Carrey declared his love for Easy A actress, Emma Stone, saying that if he was a lot younger, he’d love to have, “chubby little freckle-faced kids” with her, and went on to describe their imaginary future in his mind.

Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNqnjHrRscs

Today, Huffington Post ran an article declaring it a joke, and yet, there are still a lot of people waiting to laugh.


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