By Anitra, loveisrespect youth organizer
“When you talk to other girls in front of me…”
“When you dress like you’re single…”
“You see me calling and don’t answer…”
“That’s so disrespectful!”
“You’re so disrespectful!”
When speaking with people about their relationship experiences, one word I hear a lot is “disrespectful.” Disrespectful behavior can happen in any relationship, whether with someone we’re dating or a friend or family member. However, there are times when someone labels a behavior as disrespectful when it’s….not. Sometimes our ideas about what’s disrespectful are influenced by unrealistic expectations about our relationships, as well as feelings of jealousy, possessiveness or insecurity – which can all contribute to unhealthy or even abusive behavior. It’s okay to feel jealous or insecure at times (we all do!). But it’s never okay to use those feelings as excuses to control or isolate your partner.
People have a lot of different ideas about what the word “respect” means. Sometimes, it is used to mean admiration for someone important or inspirational to us. Other times, respect refers to deference towards a figure of authority, like a parent, relative, teacher, boss or even a police officer. In this context, it is presumed that respect should be given to those who have certain types of knowledge and power. And then other times, respect means upholding the basic right that every person has to make their own choices and feel safe in their own daily lives.
This post was contributed by Heather, a loveisrespect advocate
It’s a New Year, which means lots of people have been making resolutions and talking about their goals and expectations for 2017. We all know how it goes: we often have totally unrealistic expectations for the upcoming year, and then we get mad at ourselves when we can’t live up to them. That’s why it’s so important to understand what’s realistic…and what’s not.
It’s the same with relationships. At loveisrespect, we often chat with people who have unrealistic relationship expectations, and this can lead to a lot of struggle or even unhealthy behaviors. Today, we want to break down some unrealistic expectations about relationships that can make them unhealthy or even abusive from the start. A healthy relationship requires trust, honesty, mutual respect and equality, and those are exactly the things that are missing when people come into relationships with these unrealistic expectations. Let’s dive in!
We talk a lot about the importance of trust and setting boundaries in a healthy relationship. Your boundaries help define what’s important to you and help you feel safe. It’s really important for partners to talk about and be aware of each other’s boundaries, and to be able to trust that the other person won’t cross or ignore them.
This post was contributed by Laura, a loveisrespect advocate
So your relationship ended – now what? After a breakup, we often feel a rush of painful and confusing emotions. We might even begin to question everything about our relationship. How could it have gone wrong? I loved them so much, isn’t love enough? Did I do something wrong? Does this mean we failed?
That last question can be so tough. We’re often taught that relationships take a lot of work. If you just work hard enough, the relationship should last, right? Well, that isn’t always the case. Relationships can and do end for a lot of reasons. It can be so tempting to think of a relationship that ended in a breakup as a waste of our time and a failure on our part. While those painful feelings surrounding a breakup are certainly normal, no matter how long you were with your ex, your relationship ending is not a failure. Relationships that end can actually teach us a lot about ourselves.
Maybe you’ve just graduated and you’ve decided to look for a place to live with your partner. Or maybe you’ve been dating for a while, and moving in together seems like a good next step. For many people, living with a partner is a way to learn more about each other, as well as a practical decision to help ease cost of living (splitting the rent, anyone?). But this situation can also be an opportunity for a partner to become more controlling and financially abusive.
by Melissa A. Fabello. Originally posted on Everyday Feminism.
I had an intervention once.
It wasn’t like the tearful ones that you see on TV, where a load of loved ones read notes from their pockets begging their person-who-might-have-a-problem to find themselves again.
No, it wasn’t like that at all.
But my mother did get me in a place where I couldn’t easily escape – her car – and, sweetly but sternly, expressed that she had something to say and that I wasn’t going to like it. She told me: “You can’t choose who you love. But you can choose who you’re with.”
This post was contributed by Katy, a loveisrespect advocate
At loveisrespect, we’re obviously focused on helping people build healthy dating relationships. But we know that not everyone is currently in or wants to be in a romantic relationship! Although having healthy relationships with others is important, the most important healthy relationship you can have is with yourself.
Maybe you’re not ready to date anyone yet, maybe you’re choosing to be single right now (or indefinitely), or maybe you are considering breaking up with your partner but the thought of being single is terrifying to you. No matter what, it’s really important to understand that dating someone or being in a relationship doesn’t “complete” you. A lot of people might feel that if they’re not in a relationship, or if they don’t want to be in one, something must be wrong with them or something is missing from their lives. But this isn’t true! You are whole and complete just as you are. Being single may look lonely, scary, unfulfilling or boring to some people, but it doesn’t have to be.
Beyonce blew the internet away with her latest visual album, “Lemonade.”In this new album, Beyonce takes viewers/listeners on a roller coaster of emotions by describing her journey through trust issues, lies and infidelity in her marriage to Jay-Z. She starts by describing her intuition about her partner cheating, then she works through denial, anger and hurt, accountability, and in the end, she talks about the decision to forgive. We wanted to explore some of the feelings and behaviors that Beyonce mentions in her new songs, because even though we love Bey, we did find a few things a little concerning!
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