Help! My Girlfriend is Threatening to Out Me

I really want to break up with my girlfriend, but she says that if I do, she’ll tell my family that I’m gay. I don’t want to see her anymore. She freaks out if I talk to any of my friends, and she always has to know where I am. But my parents don’t know that I’m a lesbian, and I’m afraid of how they’ll react if she tells them. I don’t know what to do. Can you help me?

Obviously, it’s really unfair of your girlfriend to put you in this situation. She is trying to keep you in the relationship by blackmailing you. An abusive or controlling person will often make threats to reveal secrets to friends or family in order to have control over their partner.

It sounds like you really want to end this relationship, and with good reason. Hopefully, she won’t follow through with her threats if you do break up with her. You shouldn’t be forced to come out to anyone before you’re ready. If you think she is serious, you may even want to consider telling your parents first – but that is up to you. An organization like the GLBT National Youth Talkline can offer you peer counseling concerning coming out and parent issues.

We hope you’ll also call or chat with one of our Peer Advocates about your relationship and ending it safely. Our advocates are trained to help teens in any type of dating relationship. Your call or chat will remain confidential – you don’t even have to give your name. You can call 1-866-331-9474 (1-866-331-8453 TTY) or chat with us through

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