Rumors and Relationships

Rumors and Relationships

HallwayThe women of “Teen Mom” appear on tabloid magazines from week to week where the latest gossip about their relationships is revealed to the world. Many people form opinions about these women based on the tabloid stories, but few know the truth. Just like these celebrities, rumors spread around your school, Facebook and Twitter. If you’ve ever had a rumor spread about you, then you know how difficult it can be to overcome the untruthful words. We know that rumors can affect your relationship with your significant other as much as with your peers. Here are some tips on how to handle gossip interfering with your relationship:

When there’s a rumor spreading about your relationship
Whether the rumor is true or not, having everyone talking about you behind your back is never fun. Facebook, Twitter and the hallways at school are all avenues for gossip to spread, so you may feel overwhelmed with trying to stop the rumor. Instead of focusing on how to make the rumor stop, concentrate on things you can control in this situation, like your own wellness. Here are some ways to take care of yourself during a rumor:

  • Stick by those who support you. As people’s true colors start to show, you’ll find your real friends. Talk to them about what you’re feeling and remember that they care about you regardless of what people are saying.
  • Keep yourself busy. When people see that you are still working hard at school and your other activities, they will realize that you are strong and can’t be broken by silly gossip.
  • Be true to yourself. It sounds cheesy, but it’s important to remember what’s true about yourself when untrue things are being said about you. Just because a rumor says that you are a certain kind of person doesn’t make it true. When you are confident in yourself and your actions, other people will start believing them too.
  • Don’t forget to talk to your partner! Just like with your friends, your partner’s true colors will come out when there is a rumor about your relationship. If you feel supported by your partner, stick together and be there for each other. It doesn’t matter what other people are saying if you both know what’s true. If your partner blames you, gets angry with you, or doesn’t believe you, then he or she isn’t showing you the respect you deserve. Check out our tips on conflict resolution to see if you and your partner can solve this problem in a healthy way.

When your partner starts a rumor about you
If your partner starts a rumor about you, he or she is doing so to gain control over you. Maybe your partner told someone that you did something you didn’t and now everyone thinks differently of you. Your partner used his or her power in the relationship to make you feel bad or act differently and that isn’t okay. Don’t let an untrue rumor pressure you into doing something you aren’t ready for—you have the right to decide when it’s time, on your own terms. At this point, you might want to talk to your partner about a few things:

  • What made them start the rumor in the first place? If your partner feels that his or her needs aren’t being met, the two of you should communicate about it without involving the whole school. Together, you can set boundaries about what you both need from each other and what you’re not comfortable with.
  • What made them think starting a rumor about you was okay? Remember that healthy relationships are built on a mutual respect for each other. If one partner has the power in the relationship, then the other partner is likely to not get the respect they deserve.

In addition to talking to your partner about how the rumor made you feel, you should spend some time thinking to yourself about the effects of the rumor. Here are some things you might need to reflect on:

  • Do I trust my partner to not start another rumor?
  • Do I feel respected in my relationship?
  • Do I feel heard when I communicate with my partner about boundaries?

These questions can be difficult to answer. If you have a close friend or family member that you trust talking to about your relationship, let them help you make these decisions. You don’t have to go through this alone. If you feel like you need someone else to talk to, an advocate is waiting for your call, chat or text.

 

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