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“My Relationship Ended. Does That Mean We Failed?”

This post was contributed by Laura, a loveisrespect advocate

So your relationship ended – now what? After a breakup, we often feel a rush of painful and confusing emotions. We might even begin to question everything about our relationship. How could it have gone wrong? I loved them so much, isn’t love enough? Did I do something wrong? Does this mean we failed?

That last question can be so tough. We’re often taught that relationships take a lot of work. If you just work hard enough, the relationship should last, right? Well, that isn’t always the case. Relationships can and do end for a lot of reasons. It can be so tempting to think of a relationship that ended in a breakup as a waste of our time and a failure on our part. While those painful feelings surrounding a breakup are certainly normal, no matter how long you were with your ex, your relationship ending is not a failure. Relationships that end can actually teach us a lot about ourselves.

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Healthy Relationship Playlist: Summer 2015 Edition!

This playlist was submitted by Amanda, a loveisrespect advocate.

A few months ago we debuted our Spotify channel with a Healthy Relationship Playlist. With a new season, however, comes new songs on the radio so we thought we’d whip up another healthy playlist to get you through the summer months. Next time you’re at the beach or taking a road trip, throw this on and enjoy healthy and catchy tunes about independence, trust, and respect. Which healthy relationship songs are stuck in your head lately? Share your playlists with us in the comments!

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stayorgo

Make It Work…Or Let It Go?

Sometimes even relatively healthy relationships come to an end, for a variety of reasons. After all, many relationships come and go as life changes; we learn new things about ourselves, discover what we like and what we don’t like, and what we want and what we don’t want. This is called growth, and it’s a good (although sometimes painful) thing.

A relationship that starts out great might evolve into something not-so-great. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship has become abusive. It could mean that it just isn’t as fulfilling as you’d like it to be. Maybe you’ve realized that you both want something different, you’ve grown apart, or the relationship is no longer meeting your needs. This is really tough when you care about your partner and you don’t want to hurt them (or yourself). But sometimes you have to make a choice: should you stick with the relationship, or is it time to let go?

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Healthy Relationship Playlist 3.0

Last week, we talked about how the media tends to romanticize unhealthy relationships and behaviors. We also took a close look at some unhealthy messages in popular songs by Nick Jonas, Taylor Swift and Maroon 5. But the good news is there are plenty of great songs that promote healthy behaviors, too!

We created a couple of healthy relationships playlists in the past (see here and here, or listen to them on Spotify – find us at loveisrespectofficial!), so we thought it might be time for a new one. The songs we’ve chosen are about everything from crushes to break ups to long-term relationships, but they’re all based on trust, respect, equality, and honesty. Check ‘em out, and let us know which songs you’d add to the list!

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tech-safety

After a Breakup: Your Tech Safety Checklist

Technology can be pretty awesome in a lot of ways. With a smartphone or a laptop and an internet connection, you can chat, message, share pictures or videos, and stay connected with anyone, anywhere in the world. But we all know that technology can also cause problems, especially for people in abusive relationships.

We’ve talked a lot about digital abuse while in a relationship, but if your relationship has ended, your safety is still important. Follow this tech safety checklist to create a few protective barriers for yourself after a breakup:

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endingunhealthy

Ending Unhealthy Relationships

Today’s post was written by Alexis O., a member of the National Youth Advisory Board. To learn more about the NYAB, click here

When I was growing up, I watched my mother fall in and out of love with men who were nothing but bad for her. There was never a day when my mother and her man of the week weren’t at each others throats, and I watched, day after day as he verbally and physically abused her. Later in the day she would go crawling back, because she thought no one else would want her – a thought put in her head by the same person who had earlier called her a “stupid slut.” I always knew somewhere deep down that their behavior was abnormal, and I swore to myself to never end up like my mother had.

And I have not. Very few people know about the way I grew up. I disclose as little of my past as possible, because I believe that my past is no longer a part of me. But everyone knows about my refusal to be treated as less than, and my boyfriends over the years have had to learn that as well. There has only been one incident where my partner treated me as less than a goddess and in the end, I broke up with him.

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Why Am I Struggling to Move On After Abuse?

Leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the hardest things a person does. But even after your ex is out of your life, sometimes the emotional and mental effects from experiencing abuse can linger on. You may experience feelings of depression, guilt, anger, loss and even symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder:

  • Anxiety
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Being easily frightened or scared
  • Avoiding of stressful triggers that remind you of abuse
  • Difficulty maintaining relationships
  • Feeling emotionally numb

There is no one way to feel or heal after you leave an abusive relationship.

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broke-up

So You Broke Up: Now What?

Break ups all look different. Sometimes they are tears, Kleenex boxes and ice cream. Sometimes they’re a trip downtown with friends for a night out. Dealing with break ups is as unique to each person as the break up itself. We just want to make sure that you’re OK. If you’re in a post-relationship state, here are some things to keep in mind:

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2012 Healthy Relationship Playlist 2.0

Last month we shared some of our favorite songs about healthy relationships. We got such great feedback from our readers — and some really great suggestions — that we thought we’d take your suggestions and make another one.

Like last time, this playlist has songs about healthy relationships, crushes and break ups — we wanted to represent all facets.

So, without further adieu, here’s our Healthy Relationship Playlist 2.0:

1. Independent Women – Destiny’s Child

2. Taylor Swift – Dear John

3. Anyone Else But You – The Moldy Peaches

4. ‘Til Kingdom Come – Coldplay

5. First Day of my Life – Bright Eyes

6. Home – Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

7. Your Love [CENSORED] – Nicki Minaj

8. Give Your Heart a Break – Demi Lovato

9. East of the Sun (And West of the Moon) – Frank Sinatra

10. Umbrella – Rihanna

11. Faithfully – Journey

12. Somebody That I Used to Know — Goyte Featuring Kimbra

13. Good Feeling – Flo Rida

14. Better in Time – Leona Lewis

15. Up All Night – One Direction

16. Call Me Maybe – Carly Rae Jepsen

17. A Whole New World – Brad Kane & Lea Salonga

We plan to update the playlist against soon. We’d love to hear your song suggestions, so let us know what your favorite songs are in the comment field below.