Jenny is keeping Adam from his friends and family. She is texting him constantly and she is always keeping tabs on him. Those are all red flags of an unhealthy relationship.

Peer Advocate Advice:

These days, juggling schoolwork, extracurricular activities, dating, a job and an active social life is just part of being a teenager… sleep is optional.

In a healthy relationship, each person is allowed to have their own friendships. No one has the right to control another person’s activities or approve their friends.

Mike can tell Adam that he thinks the texting crosses a line, but he shouldn’t badmouth Adam’s girlfriend. Someone in this situation needs to know they can talk to their friends about it without being pressured to break up.

Jenny’s keeping Adam from his friends and family. She’s texting him constantly, and she’s always keeping tabs on him. Those are red flags that this is an unhealthy relationship.

Isolating you from the people you love, limiting what you do, harassing you, being jealous, suspicious or paranoid– these are manipulative and unfair actions.

If you’re in a situation like this, consider the following tips:

Tip 1: Not answering and turning off your phone is always an option. And it’s OK to do it.

Tip 2: Remember, you have the right to decide what you want to do with your time. Your partner should never try and make you choose between your family and friends and them. When someone tries to pull you away from other people in your life, that’s a sign that they want to control you.

Tip 3: Contact loveisrespect to talk to an advocate about your situation. We can help you indentify some of the controlling and isolating behaviors.

If you have a friend in a situation like this, consider these tips:

Tip 1: Don’t give up on your friendship even if you don’t agree with the relationship. If your friend’s partner wants to isolate them, that means your friend needs you even more!

Tip 2: Sit down with your friend and check out loveisrespect.org together. Let them know you’ll be there for them when they’re ready to talk.

The following Video Diary depicts a common type of abuse teens may experience in relationships – intimidation/threats. Intimidation is characterized by someone making you afraid by using looks, actions and gestures, smashing things, destroying property, abusing pets or displaying weapons. Types of threats used by abusers are threats to do something to hurt another, threatening to leave, commit suicide or to report her/him to the police, making her/him drop charges or making her/him do illegal things.

Kyle’s actions are all red flags of an unhealthy relationship. When he smashes his cell phone, pins Sarah’s arm back and threatens to kills himself those are methods of intimidation and threats. View the video and read our peer advocate advice on addressing this situation after the jump.

Peer Advocate Advice:

Telling someone what to wear is controlling.  And even if you have a disagreement, it shouldn’t become a screaming match.

It can be hard to watch a friend go through something like this.  It’s ok to tell them they deserve to be treated with respect.  No matter what your friend decides to do, make sure they know you’re there for them no matter what. You can’t control other people’s decisions, and you’re not responsible for their actions.  But you can make healthy choices for yourself.

If you or someone you know hears someone say they’re going to kill themselves, it’s time to tell an adult you trust, or give us a call at loveisrespect.

When Kyle smashed his cell phone against the wall, when he pinned Sarah’s arm back and when he threatened to kill himself, those were all serious red flags of an unhealthy relationship.

Breaking things, getting up in someone’s face, using your strength to scare or hurt someone, or threatening to hurt yourself, are all dangerous and really scary.  It is unacceptable.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend is using threats or intimidation to control what you do, consider the following tips:

Tip 1: Save the threatening messages, whether it’s on MySpace, Facebook or a text message.
Tip 2: Tell someone you can trust about what’s going on, whether it’s a friend, parent, counselor at school or anyone who could support you through this.
Tip 3: Consider keeping a journal or diary of events.

It’s okay to care about someone and not want them to hurt themselves. If they say they are going to harm themselves and you feel like they might be serious, let them know there is help out there, and give them the suicide hotline number.

Recently, Faythe was featured on a PBS special in Colorado as part of a panel on Teen on Teen Violence.  Faythe represented both her school organization and the teenage perspective.  Along with the Director of the local domestic violence shelter in Denver, Faythe focused on teen dating violence.  The video can be found by clicking here.

Natalie’s boyfriend Mike is mean, makes fun of her and calls her names. These are all red flags of an unhealthy relationship. View the video and read our peer advocate advice on addressing this situation after the jump.

Peer Advocate Advice:

Relationships should feel good, and no one deserves a boyfriend or girlfriend who makes them feel bad.
It’s a really difficult place to be in when you really like your boyfriend or girlfriend but don’t like the way they treat you.

And it’s hard to know how to support a friend in the same situation, but remember that listening to your friend, believing them and refraining from badmouthing their crush will show you care.

You can tell your friend that they should never be made to feel embarrassed, humiliated, or guilty by their partner. If you see a friend going through this, try mentioning it in a caring way. Let them know in a non-judgmental way that you are worried about them and that they can talk to you about what they are going through.

Natalie’s boyfriend is mean, makes fun of her and calls her names. Those are red flags of an unhealthy relationship.
When a boyfriend or girlfriend embarrasses you, humiliates you, puts you down, or makes you feel guilty all the time, it can be really hurtful and damaging.

There’s no excuse for anyone to use anger or emotional abuse to get what they want, and it’s never your fault if they do.

If you feel you might be in an unhealthy relationship, remember there is no reason to feel any shame. This can happen to anyone. We hear from smart and successful people all the time. Don’t blame yourself – it is not your fault.
You might think that if you just change the way you are that you can fix the relationship – but sometimes no matter what you do, the other person won’t change.

Also, remember you have options. You have the right to be in any relationship or the right to end a relationship. It may not be easy to end an unhealthy relationship so contact us if you want to talk about it.