Break ups all look different. Sometimes they are tears, Kleenex boxes and ice cream. Sometimes they’re a trip downtown with friends for a night out. Dealing with break ups is as unique to each person as the break up itself. We just want to make sure that you’re OK. If you’re in a post-relationship state, here are some things to keep in mind:
Assess your safety. First and foremost, you should make sure that you are safe after your break up. Ask yourself if your break up could result in your ex doing something that puts you or others at risk. Look out for warning signs like anger, intimidation or even abuse that are signals that you’re in an unsafe situation. If you’ve ever shared passwords or keys, it may be time to change those for your own protection. Talk to one of our advocates if you feel like you may be at risk. Abuse is abuse, even if you’re no longer with a partner.
Lean on your support system. Having friends and family close by after a break up is a great way to rebuild your confidence and morale. No matter if it’s just to have someone to talk to, someone to keep you busy or anything in between, having a strong support system is an important part of break ups. A listening ear can never hurt and you may be surprised by how helpful it is to talk about your feelings.
After leaving an abusive relationship, your support system means a solid reinforcement that you don’t have to feel guilty and that you can be okay now that you’re out of the relationship. Friends and family want to be there for you, so you should take advantage and let them take care of you for a little while.
Relax and have fun. Especially after a break up, it may seem difficult or even wrong to want to enjoy yourself. But with a break up comes extra free time, and something has to be done with that time. Do what you love, be passionate about art, sports, movies or whatever it is that you love doing.
The effects of abuse can last long past the relationship’s end, but having fun will help ease that pain for you. Relaxing will help distract you and keep the endorphins running through your system.
Think strongly before getting back together. After break ups, it often feels like leaving the relationship was a mistake. Write down the reasons for the break up in a journal. Write exactly how you are feeling now so that you can accurately get a picture of it later on when you read it.
Particularly in abusive relationships, it’s important to know exactly what you were feeling when the relationship ended. Thoughts can be easily clouded, but your writing will be definite. Use this as a guide to weigh the pros and cons of getting back into a relationship with that person.
Ultimately, do what feels right to remain a strong, empowered individual. If you’ve left an abusive relationship and feel like getting back together with that partner, call us. We can talk about this and provide support.