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TDVAM Poll 2 Answer

TDVAM Poll 2 Answer

Q: Which of the following stories do you think is abusive?

a. I like to text my partner a lot. I like to know where they are all the time, what they are doing, who they are with, and they HAVE to respond to me quickly, otherwise, I get nervous they are cheating on me with someone else.

b. I like to sext with my partner sometimes. We both consent to it, and we send a few during a time that’s ok with us both. I think it’s great!

c. I like to read my partner’s DMs on their Instagram. I have access to all their social media passwords because I told them they can trust me, and now I can trust them too. Sometimes I tell them to block certain people because they seem weird or creepy.

d. Both A and C

The correct answer was d. Both A and C.

The story of choice A. “I like to text my partner a lot. I like to know where they are all the time, what they are doing, who they are with, and they HAVE to respond to me quickly, otherwise, I get nervous they are cheating on me with someone else,” is considered abusive for a few reasons.

The most prominent type of abuse in this situation is digital abuse. Digital abuse is the use of technologies, such as texting and social networking, to bully, harass, stalk, or intimidate a partner. Texting them excessively and requiring them to respond immediately is abusive. Not only is it irritating, but it’s controlling the victim when their partner isn’t even with them. Keeping in touch with your significant other throughout the day can be thoughtful if both parties like it, but one party requiring constant contact from the other is a sign of controlling behavior. Monitoring who they are with, where they are, and what they are doing is not just abusive, but can even be considered stalking.

The story of choice C. “I like to read my partner’s DMs on their Instagram. I have access to all their social media passwords because I told them they can trust me, and now I can trust them too. Sometimes I tell them to block certain people because they seem weird or creepy,” is another form of digital abuse.

Having access to personal and private passwords is a controlling behavior that is often confused with trust. Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, that you have confidence in them, and that you feel safe with them, both physically and emotionally. Trust is something that two people in a relationship build together. You can’t demand or prove trust. Controlling who your partner talks to and what they do on social media is an abusive behavior, and passwords should always remain private if you want them to be.

The one story that isn’t abusive, is B. “I like to sext with my partner sometimes. We both consent to it, and we send a few during a time that’s ok with us both. I think it’s great!”

Sexting is usually fine between partners as long as both parties are consenting. Consent is openly communicating and agreeing on what kind of activity they want to engage in. If you feel forced to send explicit photos, receive them, or if you sexted privately with your partner and they are breaking your trust by threatening to share your photos or texts, it is a sign of abuse. You have the right to choose whether or not you want to engage in any kind of sexual activity, and that includes sexting with your partner.

If you feel like any of these behaviors worry you about your own relationship or have questions about your relationship, you can always reach out to an Advocate. They are available 24/7/365 anytime and provide you with non-judgmental, free support. Reach out by calling 1-866-331-9474, 1-866-331-8453 TTY, text LOVEIS (capitalization doesn’t matter) to 22522, or chat online at thehotline.org. You are not alone!

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