Everyone deserves to be in a safe and healthy relationship. Do you know if your relationship is healthy? Choose how often your partner does the following to find out. Make sure to write down your responses. At the end, you’ll find out how to score your answers.
The Person I’m With (Often, Sometimes or Never)
- Is very supportive of things that I do and encourages me to try new things.
- Likes to listen when I have something on my mind.
- Talks to me when they’re unhappy with something in the relationship.
- Is willing to compromise.
- Understands that we have separate interests and can spend time apart.
- Is mean or rude to my friends.
- Criticizes or distracts me when I’m doing things that don’t involve them.
- Gets extremely jealous or possessive.
- Accuses me of flirting or cheating when I’m not.
- Constantly checks up on me or makes me check in.
- Breaks or throws things when we fight.
- Threatens to destroy my things.
- Tries to control what I do, who I see, what I wear, how I look or who I talk to.
- Makes me feel nervous or like I’m “walking on eggshells.”
- Blames me for problems, puts me down, calls me names or criticizes me.
- Makes me feel like no one else would want me.
- Threatens to hurt themselves, me, my friends, pets or family.
- Grabs, pushes, shoves, chokes, punches, slaps, holds me down, throws things or hurts me in some way.
- Yells, screams or humiliates me in front of other people.
- Pressures, guilts or forces me into having sex or going farther than I want to.
Questions 1-5: Often: -5, Sometimes: -3, Never: 5
Questions 6-10: Often: 5, Sometimes: 1, Never: 0
Questions 11-15: Often: 10, Sometimes: 5, Never: 0
Questions 16-20: Often: 50, Sometimes: 25, Never: 0
Now that you’re finished and have your score, the next step is to find out what it means. Simply take your total score and see which of the categories below apply to you.
Score: 0 or Less Points Points
You got a negative score or a zero? Don’t worry — it’s a good thing! It sounds like your relationship is on a pretty healthy track. Maintaining healthy relationships takes some work — keep it up! Remember that while you may have a healthy relationship, it’s possible that a friend of yours does not. If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, find out how you can help them.
Score: 1-5 Points
If you scored one to five points, you might be noticing a couple of things in your relationship that are unhealthy, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are warning signs. It’s still a good idea to keep an eye out and make sure there isn’t an unhealthy pattern developing.
The best thing to do is to talk to your partner and let them know what you like and don’t like. Encourage them to do the same. Remember, communication is always important when building a healthy relationship. It’s also good to be informed so you can recognize the different types of abuse.
Still have questions? Chat with a peer advocate for more information.
Score: 6-10 Points
If you scored six to ten points, it sounds like you may be seeing some warning signs and your relationship may be unhealthy. Don’t ignore these red flags. Something that starts small can grow much worse over time. No relationship is perfect — it takes work! But in a healthy relationship you won’t find abusive behaviors.
If you think your relationship may not be as healthy as you deserve, chat with a trained peer advocate to get more information.
Score: 11-50 Points
If you scored eleven to fifty points, you are definitely seeing warning signs and may be in an abusive relationship. Remember, abuse is not just physical. Learn about the different types of abuse and how to spot the warning signs.
Score: More than 50 Points
If you scored more than 50 points, it is important to consider taking steps to ensure your safety. A trained peer advocate is available to work with you to create a safety plan that is tailored to your situation, and focused on keeping you safe whether you choose to remain in the relationship or not.
You don’t have to deal with this alone. We can help. Chat with a peer advocate to learn about your different options. Everyone deserves a healthy relationship.