Minimize Deny Blame

Power and Control Wheel



  • Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously
  • Saying the abuse didn’t happen
  • Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior
  • Saying you caused the abuse

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Peer Advocate Advice
Being part of a couple can be a great feeling. In a healthy relationship, you have someone to count on who supports you and makes you feel safe.

Relationships work best when both people take responsibility for their own actions. It’s important to look honestly at how you treat the other person and how they treat you. If something doesn’t seem right, trust yourself.

Red Flags
When Brian blames Natalie for his bad day and accuses her of overreacting, those are red flags of an unhealthy relationship.

No one should tell you what you’re feeling is wrong. When a person denies their behavior is out of line and blames the other person for what they do, that’s manipulative and unfair.

It’s Like My Relationship
If you are in a situation like this, you can:

  • Try to remember that it’s not your fault — the way your partner treats you is a choice THEY make, not one you force them into. A person can always choose not to yell, scream or minimize your feelings. It may seem like they don’t have a choice, but they do. Whether or not they make the right choice is up to them.
  • Try talking to a friend or trusted adult. Often times talking about what is happening and what you’re experiencing can help you cope.

It’s Like My Friend’s Relationship
If you see your friend struggling, it’s important to tell them it’s not their fault. Be sure to do it without badmouthing their boyfriend or girlfriend. If they think you disapprove, they might not come to you for help.

Don’t give up. Stay supportive of your friend, even if they stop calling you. People in unhealthy relationships often are isolated from their friends, but if they decide to end their relationship they are going to need you more than ever.

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