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5 Personal Wellness Resolutions

Mon, 01/09/2012 - 09:30 -- HolaKo


When you ride in an airplane, the stewardess instructs that, in case of emergency, you should put your oxygen mask on first, and then help the person next to you. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll have a much more difficult time caring for anyone else. Here are some things to keep in mind about your personal wellness as you start your new year.

  1. I will find at least one person that I trust. You are bound to encounter some sort of obstacle this year—whether it is with your friends, your parents or your relationship—and you shouldn’t have to deal with it alone. Find someone who will listen without telling me what I should do or telling me that I am wrong. You wouldn’t want a friend to feel alone when he or she is afraid, so show myself the same compassion.
  2. Next time I find myself in a heated argument, I will not lose control of my temper. Instead, take a step back and do something to calm yourself down like drink a cold glass of water, take a shower or write down your feelings. When you are ready, revisit the issue with a clear and open mind. 

How to Best Avoid an Abusive Ex

Mon, 11/28/2011 - 01:11 -- HolaKo


So you’ve taken the necessary steps to safely leave your relationshipand you’re on the road to moving on, but there’s one thing that seems to be standing in the way: running into your ex everywhere you go. Whether you go to the same school, work in the same building, hang out with the same group of friends or live just down the street from each other, having your former abusive partner in close proximity can be a difficult obstacle to overcome. Read on for some tips on snuffing out the constant reminders of an old flame.

·         If you’ve got the same class schedule…
Sharing the same classroom, or even the hallway, might be more than you can handle at first. If you used to walk to class hand in hand or push your desks together in fifth period, it can be hard to get used to a new routine. Maybe there’s a classmate you’ve wanted to get to know better or a friend who has a class nearby that you can walk with. Changing up your route can be a fun way to distract you from reminiscent thoughts as well as keep you from accidentally bumping into your ex in the hall. If you worry that you will be partnered together for a group project and you don’t feel safe working with your ex, you should be able to talk to your teacher or school counselor about separating you two as much as possible without drawing unnecessary attention to your situation.

Rumors and Relationships

Mon, 11/21/2011 - 01:04 -- HolaKo

HallwayThe women of “Teen Mom” appear on tabloid magazines from week to week where the latest gossip about their relationships is revealed to the world. Many people form opinions about these women based on the tabloid stories, but few know the truth. Just like these celebrities, rumors spread around your school, Facebook and Twitter. If you’ve ever had a rumor spread about you, then you know how difficult it can be to overcome the untruthful words. We know that rumors can affect your relationship with your significant other as much as with your peers. Here are some tips on how to handle gossip interfering with your relationship:

When there’s a rumor spreading about your relationship
Whether the rumor is true or not, having everyone talking about you behind your back is never fun. Facebook, Twitter and the hallways at school are all avenues for gossip to spread, so you may feel overwhelmed with trying to stop the rumor. Instead of focusing on how to make the rumor stop, concentrate on things you can control in this situation, like your own wellness. Here are some ways to take care of yourself during a rumor:

Setting Boundaries

Wed, 11/16/2011 - 01:19 -- HolaKo

couple boundariesWhether you’re casually hooking up or have been going out for a while now, setting boundaries is an important part of any relationship. It's good for both individuals to be on the same page. To have the healthiest relationship, both partners should know each other’s wants, goals, fears and limits. You should feel comfortable communicating your honest needs to your partner without being afraid of what he or she might do in response. If your partner tells you that your needs are stupid, gets angry with you or goes against what you’re comfortable with, then your partner may not be showing you the respect you deserve.

Talking about your boundaries with your partner is a great way to make sure that both of your needs are being met and you feel safe in your relationship. Here are some things to think about when setting boundaries in your relationship:

Moving On After a Break Up

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 02:46 -- HolaKo

A familiar chatter surrounds Rihanna after last week’s premiere of her controversial video for her latest single “We Found Love.” The video opens with a monologue about the difficulty of moving on after a break up. The narrator saying things like “You almost feel ashamed, that someone could be that important - that without them, you feel like nothing,” and “When it’s over and it’s gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so you could have the good.” For the remainder of the video, Rihanna and her music video boyfriend act out the sequence of a romance that quickly spirals from unhealthy behaviors to an abusive relationship. We don’t know what Rihanna was trying to say with this video, but the dizzy, hard-to-watch storyline has viewers questioning its parallel to Rihanna’s former relationship with singer Chris Brown.



What an Advocate Has to Say

Wed, 07/27/2011 - 23:00 -- HolaKo

Every call and chat to the Helpline comes from someone different. Some callers, both girls and guys, identify as survivors of abuse, some as abusers, and some as concerned parents and friends seeking help for someone else. While every call is specific to the individual, here are some phrases and questions that advocates consistently communicate to best help each caller.

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“Thanks for reaching out.”

Calling or chatting our Helpline can be nerve-racking, especially if you haven’t reached out for help before. Our calls are completely confidential and anonymous and our advocates have extensive training in dating violence matters. Reaching out for help is the first step to improving your situation, however that may be. We say this line to let you know how happy we are that you’re getting the help you deserve.


“Are you in a safe place to chat?”

A Special Harry Potter Post

Wed, 07/13/2011 - 23:00 -- HolaKo

Hi, Rachel here. Please excuse me for putting on my nerd hat (complete with flashing lights and NERD in huge letters) while I write this. I don’t know if you all knew this, but this internship is really just what I do to keep busy while I wait for my owl to come with an invitation to Hogwarts. (Does the Ministry of Magic have any openings for bloggers? You can pay me in butterbeer!) Anyway, we here at loveisrespect know a lot of you are seeing the movie tonight. Therefore, we wanted to take some time (cough, can someone please let us borrow Hermoine’s Time-Turner?) to educate you fellow muggles about the relationships in the popular series.

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Here’s How an Advocate Views Harry Potter Relationships:

Help! My Girlfriend is Threatening to Out Me.

Sun, 04/13/2008 - 23:00 -- HolaKo

I really want to break up with my girlfriend, but she says that if I do, she’ll tell my family that I’m gay. I don’t want to see her anymore. She freaks out if I talk to any of my friends, and she always has to know where I am. But my parents don’t know that I’m a lesbian, and I’m afraid of how they’ll react if she tells them. I don’t know what to do. Can you help me?

Obviously, it’s really unfair of your girlfriend to put you in this situation. She is trying to keep you in the relationship by blackmailing you. An abusive or controlling person will often make threats to reveal secrets to friends or family in order to have control over their partner.

It sounds like you really want to end this relationship, and with good reason. Hopefully, she won’t follow through with her threats if you do break up with her. You shouldn’t be forced to come out to anyone before you’re ready. If you think she is serious, you may even want to consider telling your parents first – but that is up to you. An organization like the GLBT National Youth Talkline can offer you peer counseling concerning coming out and parent issues.

My Ex is Harassing Me on MySpace

Tue, 04/01/2008 - 23:00 -- HolaKo


I broke up with my boyfriend and now he’s posting pictures of me naked on MySpace. He says he won’t stop until I get back together with him. What should I do?

When you break up with someone that has been abusive, they will often try to get you back by threatening or harassing you, or even by trying to humiliate and blackmail you. Trying to reason with someone who is doing things like this doesn’t usually work, and obviously getting back together with someone that has abused you would only make the situation better for the moment.

Setting your profile to private or deleting it might be one option. But while that may stop your ex from contacting you directly, it won’t stop him from writing or posting photos on his profile- or harassing your friends.

MySpace has rules concerning what users can post and use their profiles for. Harassment, threats of physical harm and sexual exploitation (that would include posting photographs of you naked) are against the rules.

Here are some things you might try:

If there’s a possibility your ex may know the password to your profile, change it now. Make sure you new password is something they won’t easily guess.


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