Types of abuse

Abusive behavior may not always cause physical pain or leave a bruise, but it’s still unhealthy and should always be taken seriously.

Examples of physical abuse include:

• Scratching, punching, biting, strangling, choking, or kicking.
• Throwing items at you like a phone, book, shoe, or plate.
• Pulling your hair.
• Pushing or pulling you, or forcibly grabbing your clothing.
• Threatening to use or using a gun, knife, box cutter, bat, mace, or other weapon against you.
• Touching any part of you without your permission or consent.
• Forcing you to have sex or perform a sexual act.
• Grabbing your face to make you look at them.
• Preventing you from leaving or forcing you to go somewhere.

Know that you’re not alone. More than one in ten high school students have already experienced physical aggression from a dating partner, and many were unequipped to respond after it happened. If you’re in a similar situation, the most important thing to remember is that your partner’s abusive behavior is wrong — you are deserving of a healthy, loving, and respectful relationship.

Commit yourself to not making excuses for your partner’s abusive behavior and chat with us now for help creating a safety plan to fit your situation. Steps to consider next include:

• Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mentor.
• Create a safety plan.
• Obtain a restraining order.
• Contact love is respect.

Remember: unhealthy or abusive relationships usually get worse. It’s important to assess your abusive partner’s level and use of force to determine the urgency of your situation and what kind of support you need to get safer.

Relationships can still be unhealthy or abusive even without physical abuse. Examples of behaviors that qualify as emotional or verbal abuse include:

• Calling you names or putting you down.
• Telling you what to do or wear.
• Preventing you from seeing or communicating with friends or family.
• Blaming abusive or unhealthy behavior on you or your actions.
• Being jealous of outside relationships or accusing you of cheating.
• Threatening to harm you, your pet(s), or people in your life.
• Threatening to harm themselves to keep you from ending the relationship.
• Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.

Gaslighting is a specific type of emotional abuse that causes you to question your own reality or memory. Examples include:

• Your partner refuses to listen to your concerns.
• They deny things they previously said.
• Minimizing your feelings by saying you’re too sensitive.

Emotional abuse may not always cause visible harm, but it does cause emotional pain and scarring and may lead to physical violence eventually. Constantly being criticized, told you aren’t good enough, or made to question your grasp on reality can cause you to lose confidence in yourself and lower your self-esteem. As a result, you may start to blame yourself for your partner’s abusive behavior — resist this impulse.

Remember: emotional abuse is never, ever your fault. Talk to someone you trust like a close friend, family member, or mentor, and make a plan for your safety.

Contact us 24/7 via text, phone, or live chat for personalized support to help you deal with emotional abuse.

It can also refer to behavior that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity takes place, including oral sex, rape, or controlling reproductive methods and choices.

Everyone has the right to decide what they do or don’t want to do sexually, and not all sexual assaults are violent “attacks.” Most victims of sexual assault know their assailant. That includes people who are married, dating, in a “friends with benefits” arrangement, or just acquaintances.

Examples of sexual abuse include:

• Unwanted kissing or touching.
• Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity.
• Refusing to use condoms or restricting your access to birth control.
• Preventing someone from using protection against sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
• Sexual contact with someone who is intoxicated, unconscious, asleep, or otherwise unable to give clear consent.
• Threatening, pressuring, or otherwise forcing someone to have sex or perform sexual acts.

Sexual abuse is never the victim’s fault. Just because someone “didn’t say no” doesn’t mean that they consent. Physical resistance can sometimes put victims at higher risk for further abuse. It’s up to each of us to understand consent and to communicate and respect the boundaries of our intimate partners, without exception.

Your safety should always be your first priority. Try to get to a safe place away from your attacker where you can think through your next steps. You may be scared, angry, confused, and hurt — remember that the abuse was not your fault.

Steps to consider next:

• Contact someone you trust. You may be in shock after being sexually assaulted, and you will almost certainly feel a mix of complex emotions. Having support can help you safely express and process these feelings. It’s often useful to speak with a counselor, sexual assault hotline, or support group if you don’t feel comfortable reaching out to a friend or family member.
• Go to an emergency room or health clinic. It’s extremely important to seek health care as soon as you can after being assaulted. Providers can treat injuries, offer medications to help prevent pregnancy and/or STIs, and support your long term health. There may also be sexual assault advocates in the area who can assist you and answer any questions. A Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE) can provide these services and collect evidence in case you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
• Report what happened. If you determine that it’s safe for you to do so, you may report what happened to law enforcement to pursue criminal legal recourse against your attacker. If you decide to do so, it’s important that you do your best to avoid altering or destroying any evidence of the attack to prepare a stronger legal case. That means don’t shower, wash your hair or body, comb your hair, or change your clothes, even if it’s hard not to. If you’re nervous about going to the police station, it may help to bring a trusted friend with you, keeping in mind any relevant safety considerations for them as well.

Remember: you always have options. Chat with us now to learn more about sexual abuse or to find available resources in your area.

Modern conditions of stark economic inequality mean that financial security is directly tied to our health and wellbeing. No one has the right to use money or how you choose to spend it to control your actions or decisions, and no one should control your ability to work.

Examples of financial abuse include:

• Giving you an allowance or tracking what you buy.
• Putting your paycheck into an account you can’t access.
• Stop you from working or limiting the hours you do.
• Taking your keys or car so you can’t go to work.
• Getting you fired by harassing you, your employer, or your co-workers.
• Using your social security number to obtain loans or credit cards without your permission.
• Maxing out your credit cards without permission.
• Refusing to give you with money, food, rent, medicine, or clothing.

Financial abuse is usually coupled with emotional or physical abuse. If you’re not in control of your finances or if your partner has taken money from your bank account, it can be especially scary to leave an abusive relationship. Chat with us now to get support and identify local resources to help you regain control over your finances — some organizations may even provide short term loans to cover important expenses while leaving an abusive relationship.

You can also consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or legal professional about getting a protection order. No matter what you decide to do, consider making a safety plan that includes setting aside funds in a separate, private location.

All communication in a healthy relationship is respectful, whether in person, online, or over the phone. It’s never okay for your partner to use words or actions to harm you, lower your self-esteem, or manipulate you.

Examples of technology-facilitated abuse include:

• Telling you who you can follow or be friends with on social media.
• Using social media to track where you go and what you do.
• Sending, requesting, or pressuring you to send unwanted explicit photos or videos, sexts, or otherwise compromising messages.
• Stealing or pressuring you to share your account passwords.
• Constantly texting you or making you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone.
• Looking through your phone or checking up on your pictures, texts, and phone records.
• Using any kind of technology (such as spyware or GPS in a car or phone) to monitor your activities.

You never deserve to be mistreated, online or in person. If you’ve experienced this type of abuse, we encourage you to contact us so we can talk through the details of your situation and identify available options. Remember:

• Your partner should always respect your relationship boundaries.
• You never have to share your passwords with anyone.
• You don’t have to send any explicit pictures, videos, or messages you’re uncomfortable with.
• Sexting can have legal consequences, especially for minors.
• You don’t have to respond to messages right away. You have the right to your own privacy and to spend time with other people without your partner getting angry. Make sure that the people who might need to reach you in an emergency still can.
• Save or document threatening messages, photos, videos, or voicemails as evidence of abuse.
• Once you share a post or message, it’s no longer under your control. Abusive partners may save or forward anything you share, so be careful sending content you wouldn’t want others to see.
• Use your phone or social media privacy settings to control who can see your information.
• Be careful when checking-in places online, either by sharing your location in a post or by posting a photo with distinguishable backgrounds.
• Ask your friends to always seek permission from you before posting content that could compromise your privacy. Do the same for them.
• Avoid contact with your abuser in any capacity, through any technology, online or in person. Consider changing your phone number if the abuse and harassment don’t stop.

A stalker can be someone you know, a past partner, or a stranger. While the legal definition of stalking varies from state to state, examples of stalking behavior include:

• Showing up at your home or workplace uninvited.
• Sending you unwanted texts, messages, letters, emails, or voicemails.
• Leaving you unwanted items, gifts, or flowers.
• Using social media or technology to track your activities.
• Spreading rumors about you online or in person.
• Asking your friends or family for information about you.
• Damaging your home, car, or other property.

If you’re being stalked, you’re likely going through a lot of stress, vulnerability, anxiety, and other emotions you may not be able to express right now, which in turn may be affecting your sleep or concentration at work or school.  Every year, 3.4 million people in the US experience stalking — youth between the ages of 18 and 24 experience the highest rates.

Most people assume that stalkers are strangers, but in reality, three out of four victims of stalking are harassed by someone they know. If you think you may be in danger, contact an emergency service provider to help you reach a safer place, and consider obtaining a protection order to prevent your stalker from coming near you. Understand the risks of contacting law enforcement for your own safety and others, including that the person harassing you may ultimately be arrested and convicted within the criminal legal system.

Regardless of whether you intend to pursue legal action against your stalker, it’s important to save evidence of the abuse for proof in the future if you ever need it. Take time to write down the dates, times, and places of each incident that occurred, including names and contact information for people who may have witnessed what happened. Examples of such evidence include:

• Text messages
• Voicemails.
• Pictures or videos
• Letters, photographs, or cards
• Unwanted items or gifts
• Social media harassment (including inappropriate friend or follow requests)

Stalking is a traumatic experience. You may lose sleep, feel depressed, have nightmares, or feel like you don’t have control over your life because of your experience. These reactions are normal and you should be forgiving of yourself as you heal. It can help to tell a trusted friend or loved one about your experience and work to develop a safety plan.