loveisrespect Blog

On September 30th, the National Domestic Violence Hotline answered its two millionth call.  This milestone represents two million families that have received help and hope since the Hotline’s inception in 1996. This call came as the need for the Hotline continues to grow.  During 2008, the call volume for the Hotline has increased by approximately 1,000 more calls per month.

The Hotline received over 230,000 calls in 2007 with its monthly call volume averaging over 19,500 calls. As the number of calls have climbed steadily in 2008, some months have seen a 10% to 15% increase over the same months the previous year. Answering this increased volume of calls places significant strain on the Hotline’s resources. Unfortunately, this results in a longer wait time for callers needing to get to safety, and a increased number of callers hanging up, both of which can be dangerous in violent situations. To address this issue the Hotline has increased volunteer recruitment for advocates.  For more inforamtion about the huge milestone reached by the Hotline please visit www.ndvh.org!

As National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and  Prevention Week (February 4-8th) approaches, we’re glad to see schools are hosting events that focus on the issue of dating abuse.

On January 31st,  Wayland High School in Wayland, MA will present a production of  The Yellow Dress, a one-woman play focusing on dating violence to junior and senior students during the school day. Deana’s Educational Theater, a production company established in 1994 after the death of Deana Brisbois, will perform the play.

If you’ve ever seen The Yellow Dress, leave us a comment.

 I just found out last night that last week, my daughter’s boyfriend slammed her head against his car window a few times while they were arguing. She isn’t hurt now, but I am very worried about her. My daughter knows this is wrong but she believes it won’t happen again. My daughter is 18, so I can’t make her do anything. But what can I do?

You’re obviously right to be concerned for your daughter. While she may really believe this won’t happen again, this isn’t usually the case with physical abuse.

If you can, discuss the situation in a very low pressure way with her and ask if she might consider giving loveisrespect a call. A peer advocate can talk to her about abusive relationships and help her make a plan to safely end this relationship when she’s ready. All of our calls and chats are confidential. She doesn’t even have to give her name.

Some things you might suggest to your daughter:

* Try not to be alone with her boyfriend.

* Keep a cell phone with her and use it to call for help if needed.

* Try talking to a counselor locally (alone).

This is truly a difficult situation for a parent. Trying to force your daughter to make a decision about this relationship will likely only push her further from you. Let her know you’re concerned and available for support. Consider calling us yourself if you’d like to talk more about the situation.

*We don’t generally answer questions in detail through email. If you have a question or concern about dating abuse in your life, please call us or log in to our live chat.  This is a representation of a question only.

Last night I went to the movies with my friend and her boyfriend. He forced her to leave half way through the movie because he thought she talked to another guy on her way to the bathroom (he’s crazy). I’ve told her before she should break up with him, but she doesn’t listen to me. What can I do?

Seeing your friend treated this way sounds very frustrating, especially when it seems she doesn’t care about her happiness as much as you do. And you’re right – there is probably something wrong here. Her boyfriend sounds extremely jealous and controlling, which can be one aspect of an abusive relationship. However, you can’t fix this problem for her. Ordering her to break up with him will probably only push her closer to him and possibly further from you and her other friends.

What you can do:

• * When you are alone with your friend, tell her that the incident at the movie theater bothered you and that you’re worried about her.
• * Tell her you won’t try to make her decisions for her. Tell her you will be there to talk to if she ever decides she needs to talk about her relationship.
• * Try not to say negative things about him – it will only make her feel defensive of the relationship or even feel sorry for him. Instead, focus on the positive things about her and her life.
• * Encourage her to think about adults she could talk to if she ever needed to.
• * Refer her to loveisrespect, National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. Let her know all calls and chats are confidential and anonymous. She may not seem interested, but at least she will have the information if she decides she needs to talk.

Friends and family are welcome to contact us too – so if you’d like to talk more about your friend, please give us call (or chat with us).

*all of our calls/chats are confidential. this question is a an example of one we get often.