blackmail

Help, My Partner is Blackmailing Me!

“If you don’t do what I tell you to do, I’ll tell your parents we had sex.”

“If you break up with me, I’ll post those pics everywhere…”

If your partner makes threats like this, they’re putting you in a really tough spot. This type of threat is called blackmail, and you might feel like you have no option but to do what your partner says. Blackmailing is a form of emotional abuse and, like all abuse, is about power and control. A person who uses this tactic wants to make you afraid of some consequence in order to get you to do what they want.

In order for a relationship to be healthy, partners must trust that when they set boundaries and are intimate with each other, both people will uphold those boundaries and neither will attempt to hurt the other partner. Making threats like this is a violation of that trust. Threats are not a sign of love or care, but of manipulation and control. You never deserve to be threatened, no matter what, and you are never responsible for your partner’s choice to be abusive. Unfortunately that doesn’t make dealing with threats like this any easier. So what can you do if your partner is blackmailing you and trying to get you to do something you don’t want to do?

Stand By Your Boundaries

If you feel like it is safe for you to resist, your best option might be to stand your ground and not give in to the threats. This is often easier said than done, but giving in to the threats usually doesn’t make them stop forever. In fact, it can intensify your partner’s sense of control, and the threats might even become more extreme in the future. It’s possible your partner won’t follow through on their threats. However, you know the situation best, and if you fear your partner could become violent or harm you, it might be safest to give in for now. Remember, if you are giving in to protect yourself, it’s survival; it doesn’t mean you are giving up or that you deserve to be treated this way.

Turn to Your Support System

A support system can help you stay strong and feel supported during a difficult time. If you feel safe doing so, let someone in your network – for example, a friend, parent or counselor – know what’s going on. You can also always call, chat or text with a loveisrespect advocate!

Save All Proof

If your partner is sending you threats via text, email, social media or voice messages, save everything. Take screenshots and keep them in a safe place, like a password protected file or account, or you could send copies to a trusted friend or family member if your partner has access to your computer or phone. This is a way to document the threats and abuse should you choose to take legal action.

Neutralize the Threats

You may want to consider ways to neutralize the threats that your partner is making. For example, if they are threatening to tell your parents about something you did, you could go to your parents first and be upfront and honest about what happened. It might be an uncomfortable thing to do, but your partner would no longer be able to control you with that threat. Or, maybe your partner is threatening to spread a rumor about you. Check out our post on Rumors and Relationships to learn more about dealing with rumors.

If your partner is threatening to out you, you might consider telling your friends or family before your partner has a chance to. This can be a really difficult decision to make, because ideally you should be able to come out to people only when you’re ready. You might consider reaching out for support from a local support group or other resource like the GLBT National Help Center or The Northwest Network.

If your partner is threatening to share sexually explicit pictures or other media, there are some resources that might be able to help. Some states do have laws against “revenge porn,” or nonconsensual pornography, which you can learn more about at End Revenge Porn. Google is also taking steps to help fight revenge porn by honoring requests to remove these images from search results.

No matter the outcome of the situation, it’s important to realize that someone who would make threats like this is not someone you can trust or be in a healthy relationship with, and you should never have to compromise your safety, integrity or privacy to be in a relationship. If you need help, get in touch with one of our peer advocates to talk about your options and create a safety plan, if you need one. We’re here 24/7!

42 replies

Comments

  1. Asiimwe
    Asiimwe says:

    Great to have this platform of free but resourceful expression. How should men stop violence? Most men continue to distort biblical texts for personal interests. They think a woman to be submissive means accepting violence. No.

    Reply
    • LIR-Advocate
      LIR-Advocate says:

      This post has been modified to remove any personal information per our community guidelines.

      Hello Asiimwe,

      Thank you so much for your support of Loveisrespect. We really appreciate your feedback. You are right that gendered violence is a difficult issue that we are currently facing. On our website there is lots of information on ways to work towards healthy relationships. One way to combat dating abuse is to become familiar with resources and talk with your friends about what it means to treat each other with respect. If you would like to talk over any of your concerns or questions around gendered violence and dating abuse please feel free to reach out to us directly. An advocate can go over your situation with you and can also connect you with your local domestic violence resource center if you are interested in finding out more about volunteer opportunities. You can reach us 24/7 at 1-866-331-9474 or on chat at http://www.loveisrespect.org/

      Reply
    • ANN J.
      ANN J. says:

      I AM NOT SURE I AGREE WITH THAT.

      WHY ARE WE ALWAYS BLAMING MEN. YES, IT IS TRUE THAT IN PAST MEN DID MOST OF THE ABUSE, BUT NOW DAYS, WOMEN ARE VERY ABUSIVE, KICKING, SCREAMING, USING MANIPULATION, AND I AM A WOMAN.

      I HAVE BEEN ABUSED, AND it is the lowest for of being powerless that I have felt. I did the right thing after about 4 – 5 times, when I thought, if I don’t do something about this, I am not going to be here. The reality is this, the words “Domestic Violence is Everybody’s business” Really, is that true, then why when you are violated, does the court ignore you and not answer questions, where are the people that are the victims advocates, they are now down to part time due to budget constraints. Men and women whom abuse, do not stop because of budget constraints, they continue.

      The hardest thing I have ever done is leave an abuser. I was in denial for many many years. First it was his drinking, we had two very young children, then he would never come home at night, and then he would come home drunk. He had and now has been diagnosed with OCD. Why is it that when all of the abuse is over and he admits this, and has to do his community service, he leaves you then stops drinking on his own, for a new woman, what is it about the new woman, is it because he wanted someone to work f’t and follow him around and be his slave or mother, Mother is a better term.

      Thank you for allowing me to write. I have not told many people this because in my family where my mother was a raging alcoholic, and now is dying of a disease, we did not speak, feel or talk, it is very hard, and I have suffered greatly from it.

      My sisters have abandoned me, and I think the reason is because I am the youngest.
      I was 52 and my sister stated there was no more room in the house for me and my husband for Christmas, or Holidays, or Birthdays, and then my own entitlement son abandoned me, not allowing his wife, or our first Grandchild (daughter), we have not been married since he was 3. Really, this is abandonment, from two adults whom did not see each other from age 3 on. Really the issue is not about us, it is about him, when are we going to wake up and tell America that it is NOT ok to just dump your mother and father because they have blue eyes, or yes, possibly they did something in your childhood, which you remember, but was NOT ABUSE, WAS NOT YELLING, WAS JUST BEING A MOTHER OR FATHER, TRYING TO COPE WITH THE FACT THAT ALL OF OUR SON’S FRIENDS ARE BEING HANDED 100 DOLLAR BILLS FOR THE WEEKEND, AND THEREFORE WHERE IS HIS.

      THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO WRITE.

      I AM NOW, THANK YOU A SURVIVOR OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, AND I WOULD LOVE TO ASSIST THOSE THAT NEED HELP IN GETTING OUT. I WANT TO TELL THE YOUNG AND OLDER WOMAN THAT HAVE JUST MARRIED THAT KNOW THEY ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, USE A SAFETY PLAN AND DO NOT WASTE ANOTHER DAY OF YOUR LIFE, 20 YEARS OF MY LIFE WENT BY, NOW MY CHILDREN ARE GONE, AND I WOULD BET, MY SON FEELS I SHOULD HAVE BEEN STRONGER, HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A DEBATER.
      WE HAVE ANOTHER SON, WHO IS AS GRACIOUS AS THE DAY IS AQUA BLUE, HE IS A REALIST, and HE REALIZES THAT EVERYONE DOES THERE BEST, BUT HE KNOWS THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. HE LOVES HIS MOTHER AND HE LOVES HIS FATHER, AS HE PUT IT, I ONLY HAVE ONE MOTHER AND ONE FATHER, SO I BETTER LOVE THEM AS THAT IS ALL I HAVE AND LIFE IS SHORT. THE SAD THING IS THIS, THERE ARE SO MANY PARENTS LIKE I THAT THINK THEY HAVE TO SUFFER AND THE OTHER CHILD, THE ONE THAT IS THERE TO LOVE, IS LEFT OUT. REMEMBER, IF YOUR CHILD IS NOT IN THE MOOD TO LOVE YOU OR BE WITH YOU, BE THERE GUEST, THERE IS NOT ONE OUNCE OF ENTITLEMENTS IN OUR HOUSE. OUR SON IT STARTED BECAUSE WHEN HE WAS 16, WE DID NOT PURCHASE THE FANCY CAR FOR HIM, WE BOUGHT A BEATER, AND IT WAS A GOOD THING, TWO MONTH’S LATER CRASH, TWO MONTH’S LATER, TICKET, AND TWO MONTH’S LATER CRASH, TOTALLED CAR, AND INSURANCE $500.00 MONTH, AND THAT WAS EXPECTED TO BE PAID, AND I WAS SINGLE AT THE TIME, AND HAD MUCH TO LEARN ABOUT CAR INSURANCE, ONCE I WAS INFORMED, HE THOUGHT I WAS THE MEANEST MOTHER, YET, AS MUCH AS HIS FATHER AND I GET ALONG, HE ONLY GAVE $120 PER MONTH IN CHILD SUPPORT AND THAT WAS WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN $600.00. WHY, BECAUSE THE COURTS SAW HIM AS THE MAN THAT COULD NOT KEEP A JOB, SO ALL OF THE WORK WAS ON ME.

      THIS IS ABOUT LOVE IS RESPECT, BUT ALSO ABOUT THE DEMANDS THAT OUR FAMILIES UNNECESSISARILY PUT ON US, AND NEVER WOULD I ALLOW A FAMILY MEMBER TO PUT DEMANDS ON YOU. LIFE IS TOO HARD, IF YOU ARE MARRIED, LOVE YOUR SPOUSE, IF YOU ARE A CHILD, LOVE YOUR CHILDHOOD, REMEMBER DIVORCE HAPPENS, AND IT HAPPENS ALOT, THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE ENTITITLED TO ANYTHING.

      THE LAST TIME, MY HUSBAND AND I WERE TOGETHER, HE THREW ME DOWN THE STAIRS AND I HAD A TRI LATERAL BREAK IN MY FOOT, THAT WAS REALLY PAINFUL AND LEFT ME SITTING OR SLEEPING UPSTAIRS FOR OVER 6 MONTHS.

      REMEMBER, WE ALL HAVE A VOICE, AND WE ALL HAVE A VISION, THERE IS NOT ONE OF US THAT DOES NOT DESERVE RESPECT. IF YOU HAVE VIOLATED VERBALLY OR PHSICALLY A WOMAN AND OR A MAN, YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES, AND THEY MAY BE GREAT OR NONE, DEPENDENT ON THE WOMEN, MOST WOMEN THAT REALLY NEED TO FILE DOMESTIVE VIOLENCE INCIDENCES DO NOT, BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY WOMEN THAT FILE FALSE CLAIMS. REMEMBER, THIS IS SERIOUS, THIS IS AN ISSUE AND A HUGE BEHAVIOR DISORDER, THANK YOU FOR LISTENING, AND NEXT TIME YOUR FRIEND SEEMS DOWN, DO NOT ASK HER, JUST OFFER TO TALK TO HER. SOMETIMES, A FRIEND, (WHICH I HAVE ONE NOW), A MAN WHOM IS A CHRISTIAN AND HE IS MY BROTHER IN CHRIST, BUT ISOLATION IS BRUTAL, AND WITH MY FAMILY ABANDONING ME BUT FOR MY ONE SON, MY LIFE WENT FROM FULL SWING FAMILY TO NOTHING, AND IT WAS THE SADDEST CHRISTMAS OF MY LIFE, IF MY SON THINKS HE HAS WON SOMETHING BY HURTING ME, HE DID NOT, AS HE DID NOT HURT ME. I AM NOT WANTING TO SEE HIM ANYMORE, AS I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED SO LOW. I AM A WOMAN OF VALUE, AND A MOTHER THAT GAVE ALOT TO MY CHILDREN, BUT HAD BOUNDARIES. MY PRAYER IS MY BOYS DO NOT ABUSE, AND I DO NOT KNOW. I REALLY DO NOT KNOW, AND THAT IS THE SADDEST DAY IN MY LIFE, SEEMING THAT GIVING BIRTH TO MY CHILDREN WAS THE MOST DEFINING MOMENT AS A MOTHER. ALL I WANTED WAS A LOVING HUSBAND, AND THAT WAS TOO MUCH TO ASK, AND I OF COURSE PICKED MEN THAT WANTED MOTHERS, AND THAT WAS A MISTAKE. GOD BLESS TO ALL OF YOU, AND THANK YOU FOR READING AND I WOULD LOVE YOUR INPUT. “LIFE IS A JOURNEY, NOT A RACE”

      Reply
      • LIR-Advocate
        LIR-Advocate says:

        Hi Ann J,

        Thank you for sharing your story with us. There is nothing that you could ever do to deserve abuse from anyone. Navigating abuse is a very confusing, draining, and often traumatic experience and the healing process can be a very frustrating thing. It sounds like you have had to take several steps to protect yourself and haven’t always had the support that you need. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your situation and what you have gone through, we are always here to chat, text, or talk.
        Domestic abuse is something that crosses not only all gender identity lines, but it also crosses social economic, religious, race, and sexuality lines. No only do men need to support ending domestic abuse, all individuals need help bring about an end to domestic abuse. There are amazing organizations working on both the national and local level to help spread awareness. If you are wanting to get involved in your community with ending domestic abuse, we are always here to connect you with local organizations. You can chat us, text us (text “loveis” to 22522) and by calling 1-866-331-9474.

        Take care,

        Advocate LC

        Reply
  2. Brian
    Brian says:

    I have recently been black mailed by me ex g/f . she claims to have video survallence of me masturbating during a chat session in a chat room, my embarresment resulted in me taking an overdose of pills, fortunately I recovered but at the cost so far of 1650.00 dollars, I,m just trying to get out of this relationship and move on, I,m stuck on the property we both have our names on the title, the money shes getting is keeping me from being able to move, I have cars trucks trailers and an rv on the property that I feel she will either destroy or possibly sell, she already made me sign over a car title to her plus the money ive paid, ive transferred the money via bank acct so there is documentation , I feel trapped and I don’t know a way out.

    Reply
    • LIR-Advocate
      LIR-Advocate says:

      Hi Brian,

      Thank you for reaching out for help. There is nothing that you could do to deserve blackmail and you have a right to take the steps you need to protect yourself. For her to blackmail you is abusive behavior and there is nothing you could do to deserve it. It may help to reach out to EndRevengePorn.org. They have information about revenge porn and your rights. We also have advocates here 24/7 who can talk to you about your situation and connect you to local resources such as legal advocacy. You can call us at 1-866-331-9474, chat us on our website, or text “loveis” to 22522.

      Take care,
      LIR Advocate LC

      Reply
  3. karishma
    karishma says:

    My cousin’s ex is trying to blackmail her ..he had some photographs of her nd sone recordings so he is continuously blackmailing her nd her family to circulate pictures to boys and some websites..what can we do?need help asap

    Reply
    • LIR-Advocate
      LIR-Advocate says:

      Hi Karishma,

      Thank you for reaching out. It is really scary and abusive for your cousin’s ex to be blackmailing her like that. There is nothing she could ever do to make his behavior acceptable. Abusive partners often lash out and try to control their ex after the relationship ends in an attempt to maintain or regain power over them. Sometimes this takes the form or threats to post pictures and videos. What he is threatening to do maybe illegal and documenting the threats can start to build her case. Reaching out to some of the resources mentioned in this article such as EndRevengePorn.org can also help. If you or your cousin would like to reach out to discuss what is going on, we are here 24/7. We are reachable on chat, at 1-866-331-9474, and by texting “loveis” to 22522.

      Take care,

      Advocate LC

      Reply
    • LIR-Advocate
      LIR-Advocate says:

      Hi Kate,

      Thank you for being a part of our online community! If you would like to explore further options to keep yourself safe, or if you have any questions or concerns that you would like to discuss with us, I encourage you to reach out to talk with us directly. Our advocates are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat (the orange button at the top of the page that says, “Chat Online Now”) and text (text: loveis to 22522).

      Take care!
      Advocate GR

      Reply
  4. Tamia
    Tamia says:

    Hi! My ex-bf is blackmailing me by giving me the silent treatment and threatening me in order to extort money from me. He claims he has some papers sent to his fiancee’s family allegedly written in my handwriting. But I didn’t write them. He also falsely accused me of blackmailing him as well. He’s also extorted money from her as well. He also smoked weed while I visited them and he blamed BOTH OF US for his drug use since he was the one who wanted to smoke. He lied to me and cheated on me and he’s doing the same thing to her. The only worst part of all is that she’s the only one that pays the bills while he pays for nothing. He even forces her to pay his child support just to please him. He always makes bad decisions to get his way including blackmail and extortion. He also claims he’s going to jail and tried to extort bail money from me and even threatened to give my name to authorities in order to testify in court. HE’S A LIAR AND AN EXTORTIONIST! He’s claims her family’s taking him to court. Now, I’m thinking about either giving him an ultumatum, cutting him out of my life or getting him convicted of extortion in order to get him to stop taking money from me and her. He thinks it’s on everyone if he’s broke. When he and I were together, he made me pay activate a cell phone for him, and made me pay his bill. He repeatedly asked me for money and later got me in trouble with the police. Now, he’s doing the same thing to her except he apparently hit her, and strangled her. A lot of people were upset when they got engaged. Her family confront her about it and she denied it. She also had a run-in with the police for lying to obtain an apartment. Whenever something around him happens he blames BOTH OF US for it. He blackmails us to get what he wants, and I’m tired of it. I want them to break up in order to send him a message that blackmailing and extortion is not the way to get what you want. HE’S GREEDY AND SELFISH! HE’S ALSO A NARCISSIST BECAUSE HE THINKS EVERYONE ELSE IS STUPID! What can we do the get him to stop blackmailing me and her and to get him to leave her alone? I’m pretty sure her family want him out of her life because they don’t like him and I don’t blame them.

    Reply
    • LIR-Advocate
      LIR-Advocate says:

      Hi Tamia,

      Thank you for being a part of our online community and sharing your story with us! It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and I’m so sorry to hear that your ex has made such destructive and hurtful choices!

      In considering how to protect yourself, I strongly encourage you to reach out to talk with us directly. That may provide us with an opportunity to explore what resources and options might be the best fit for you in how you would like to move forward with this. You deserve to feel safe and it’s absolutely not okay for him to make choices that put your wellbeing in question. He is the only one responsible for his choices, and it sounds so upsetting that he has worked to shift blame onto you and others.

      It is absolutely understandable that you are concerned for his new partner’s safety. It sounds like he has done a lot to create an extremely scary and dangerous environment! That said, it can be so important to respect her choices with how to proceed in her situation. It may be helpful to check out this page, which talks through some ways to Help Someone in an Abusive Relationship.

      Our advocates are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522) to offer you a safe place to talk about what you have experienced and explore options with you in working through this.

      Take care!
      Advocate GR

      Reply
  5. Alex
    Alex says:

    My wife has been treating me poorly for a couple years now, we’re at the end of the line, she never admits fault and just two days ago I had to have her arrested for domestic violence because she punched me in the face and head while I just covered up because I don’t hit women. She uses threats all the time to manipulate and control me. In the latest instance she is going to court soon for the dv dispute but has her therapist backing her up against me saying that I’m a sociopath and narcissist. She says that she doesn’t want me to have any part of my son’s life and also says she is going to my command ( navy) to show them evidence allegedly proving I am a pill addict. Also, she has been secretly recording our arguments and is using that as evidence against me as a poor husband. This is a woman I sacrificed my all for, I even bailed her out of jail the next day so she wasn’t away from our son, against everybody’s advice. She is very vindictive and trying to systematically destroy me. I don’t know if I should get a restraining order or not, I’m riddled with anxiety from this woman. She is going as far as garnering support from family that betrayed her just to get at me in this trial she has upcoming, she wants to paint a picture that I’m a horrible father so I don’t get any visitation. I love my son and he loves me, she is so vindictive that she doesn’t care, I hope that nobody else has to go through this, depression, anxiety, etc… I’m filling for divorce asap but she is going to get the last laugh by making my life eternal hell, like she has for the last 3 years..

    Reply
    • LIR-Advocate
      LIR-Advocate says:

      Hi Alex,

      Thank you for being a part of our online community and sharing your story with us! It sounds like such a difficult and stressful situation! No one deserves to experience abuse of any kind, and there is never an excuse for abusive behaviors. If you feel like a protective order might be something that you would like to look into, it may be helpful to check out WomensLaw. They have some great informational resources available to all survivors. You deserve to feel safe.

      It definitely sounds like a lot is going on, and if you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to reach out to talk with us directly. Our advocates are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522) to offer you a safe place to talk about what you have experienced and explore options with you in working through this.

      Take care!
      Advocate GR

      Reply
  6. khushboo
    khushboo says:

    hi sir…im now in this situation where im stuck so badly..all day im sad even cnt sleep at night..first hhe pretended he’s so nice and now he brokeup saying eveyone kaam hogaya kitna leke ghumu..he himself says he used me and now gives final warning not to text on his no.
    im so embarrased he’s in my colg and it’s really difficult to face that —- everyday..also he gives me threats and sincehe is boy so he knows he has many supporting frnds so he can abuse easily and he does so to almost everygirl..jus bcoz im lacking support i really cant help myself..im so much depressed and helpless..cud u guide me anything …

    Reply
    • LIR-Advocate
      LIR-Advocate says:

      Hi Khushboo,

      Sorry to hear you’re going through so much right now. It certainly sounds like your partner handled this breakup in a way that really hurt you and made you feel bad. You never deserve to be insulted or made to feel bad about yourself, and it’s not ok that he said those things to you. It sounds like you’re feeling like you’re lacking a support system. It’s hard to get over a breakup, especially when the relationship didn’t end in a healthy way. Support is definitely one aspect of self care, and I’m so happy you are reaching out to our blog community.

      There are organizations like us that are here for you, and who want to make sure you get the support you need. If you’re able to reach out to us through our phone or chat services, we’d be happy to talk more about your situation, offer support, and help you find some more resources.

      Please feel free to reach out to us anytime! Our advocates are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522).

      Take care,
      Advocate JL

      Reply
  7. JR
    JR says:

    My ex is threatening to reveal that I was sexually abused as a child. It’s not something I’ve told anyone else, it happened within my family and had never been acknowledged, it would cause huge repercussions if it came out, I’d potentially become homeless and be disowned by the rest of my family. My ex has also threatened to make things up about me to friends, colleagues and even the police to try and cause trouble for me. I don’t want to go back to this relationship but if I don’t go along with what they want I have no idea what they’ll do. Neutralising the situation is not an option. Getting the police involved might mage it worse and they’ll reveal everytjing anyway, What can I do?

    Reply
    • LIR-Advocate
      LIR-Advocate says:

      Hi JR,

      This sounds like a very scary and overwhelming situation, so I am glad you were brave enough to reach out and felt this a safe space.

      You absolutely never deserve to be threatened by a partner, nor is it ok that they are intentionally trying to manipulate, intimidate, or control you. From what you are describing, it definitely sounds like you are experiencing emotional abuse, which is completely not your fault.

      You are definitely not alone and we would love to safety plan through this more with you. I really encourage you to contact us directly through the chat on our homepage, by texting loveis to 22522 or through phone at 1-866-331-9474. We are here 24/7!

      Keep staying strong!
      Advocate KB

      Reply
  8. Darrin Washington
    Darrin Washington says:

    Hi,

    My female best friend is in the military and married. Her husband was gone for almost a year and she fell in love with someone else. Her husband found a picture of her and the other guy simply hugging on social media somewhere. Now he’s back in the same city as her and wont let her separate from him so she can file for divorce. He is threatening to go to her command with the intent to try and prove adultery with the picture. I know this is blackmail but I don’t know if there are any laws to protect her from this. They have to be separated for a year before she can file for a divorce. Please help

    Reply
    • LIR-Advocate
      LIR-Advocate says:

      Hi Darrin,

      That certainly sounds like a complicated and frustrating situation. Your best friend certainly deserves to be free from a relationship that she no longer wants to be a part of, and he doesn’t have the right to threaten her. I’m glad you’re being an active part of her support system. While we can’t provide any legal advice, we can refer you to some legal programs that may be able to assist your friend in this situation. I encourage you, or your friend, to reach out to us at any time. We are available 24/7 through the chat on our homepage, by texting loveis to 22522 or by phone 1-866-331-9474.

      Best,
      Advocate JL

      Reply
  9. shirin mehta
    shirin mehta says:

    i recently broke up with my partner. now he’s threatning me that he will show all the chats we did to my parents.
    he doesnt want anything from me but wants to take revenge for breaking up with him. i dont know what to do now.
    i cant even dare to tell my parents about all this.
    i really need help. plz help me.

    Reply
    • LIR-Advocate
      LIR-Advocate says:

      Hi Shirin,

      That definitely sounds like an overwhelming situation, but I’m glad that you were able to share a part of your story with our blog community. We strive to create a safe space for everyone, and know that it takes courage for people to reach out. It’s not okay for him to threaten or blackmail you, and we can absolutely talk one-on-one about Breaking Up Safely and some Tips for Safely Reaching Out for Support. We want you to know that we are available 24/7 through the chat on our homepage, by texting loveis to 22522, by phone 1-866-331-9474, or via TTY 1-866-331-8453 for further support.

      Take care,
      Advocate GP

      Reply
    • LIR-Advocate
      LIR-Advocate says:

      Hi Barry,

      Thank you for your comment. We know that blackmail is not something to be taken lightly and that its classification often varies on a state by state basis, especially in regards to intimate partner violence. If you ever need to talk about a personal situation or have any questions or concerns that you would like to discuss, please reach out to us, anytime. Our advocates are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522).

      Take care,
      Advocate GP

      Reply
  10. LIR-Advocate
    LIR-Advocate says:

    The original comment has been removed per our Community Guidelines.

    Hi Callie,

    Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. It sounds like you’ve been through so much, and you absolutely deserve support through this! No one deserves to experience abuse of any kind, and there is absolutely no excuse for him choosing to be violent, toward you or anyone else. You deserve to feel safe.

    I encourage you to consider reaching out to talk directly with us about the situation. Our advocates are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522) to discuss what you’ve been going through, explore options to support you in this, or to address any other questions or concerns you might have!

    Take care!
    Advocate GR

    Reply
    • LIRAdmin_BR
      LIRAdmin_BR says:

      Hi Alia,

      This is a really great question! The concept of virginity is a complicated one, and people have a lot of different beliefs about what it means and why it is or isn’t important. Scarleteen has a really great article about the concept of virginity, its history and some of the common (mis)conceptions about it. Check it out!

      Reply
  11. Alia
    Alia says:

    My bf is blackmailing me by saying that he will show our intimate pics to his friends if i don’t do what he wants me to do.. He wants me to have sex with him… I am deeply disturbed. If he post it in some sites or share with many,we can move legally. But what can we do if he shows it only to his close friends.. Rumors will spread and I’ll lose my life. Unluckily I lost his threatening msgs and call records. What should I do to solve this without knowing my parents? Please reply

    Reply
    • LIRAdmin_BR
      LIRAdmin_BR says:

      Alia, this sounds like such a scary and difficult situation to be in, and I’m so sorry that your bf is choosing to treat you this way. I encourage you to reach out to us directly so that we can discuss your situation confidentially, and maybe brainstorm some options and create a safety plan with you. Please call 1-866-331-9474, chat here on our website or text loveis to 22522.

      Reply
  12. rahul
    rahul says:

    please help me i know its embarrassing but i am helpless now. i am bisexual and recently a guy come to my life first he showed that he is really very nice but then after second meeting he shows his real colours he started blackmailing me and told me that if i didn’t give him the money he is going to tell everybody that we had sex twice and this is really very difficult for me because m belong to a very small city and my family is very respected family he said that he had the photographs of our sex but i m sure he did not have any of those but m really very scared of him m just a student in graduation i dont knw what to do now cant talk to my parents on this topic. please help me if their are any police helpline aur legal help i can afford without coming to my family knowledge.

    Reply
    • LIRAdmin_BR
      LIRAdmin_BR says:

      Hello Rahul,

      I am so sorry that this is happening to you and that this man is treating you this way. You absolutely do not deserve it. We would be happy to help in any way we can. Please get in touch with us by calling 1-866-331-9474, chatting here on our website or texting loveis to 22522.

      Reply
  13. Ani
    Ani says:

    I’m really in a bad state of my life.. my boyfriend is blackmailing and abusing me and my family. He is saying that he’ll show our pictures to everyone who belongs to me. Plz help me to get rid of this thing i cannot share this with anyone

    Reply
    • LIRAdmin_BR
      LIRAdmin_BR says:

      Hi Ani,

      We’re so sorry to hear that your boyfriend is choosing to behave this way. You and your family do not deserve this abuse. Please contact us directly and we will help in any way we can! Call 1-866-331-9474, chat here on our website, or text loveis to 22522.

      Reply
  14. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    Hello there, I am engaged to my fiance last year. We’ve known each other since 2011, and we really love each other and will be getting married next year. But i made a huge mistake by contacting this ‘guy’, we have met each other for a month now. And we’ve done something that we shouldn’t have do, and I’m really disgusted by it. (Bcos he forced me to do) And now i realised that i must put a stop to this before my fiance or anyone else knows. And now the ‘guy’ threatened me that if i ever stop this, he will reveal everything to my fiance. He wants me to continue contacting him till the day im getting married. But i dont want to. Please help me. I don’t want my fiance to know about this, i love him very much. He doesn’t have any pics of me, just our msgs. But still I’m scared, and stressed. Please help.

    Reply
    • LIRAdmin_BR
      LIRAdmin_BR says:

      Hi Anonymous,

      This sounds like such a stressful situation. First of all, being forced to do something you don’t want to do is never okay, and it’s not okay for this other person to be blackmailing you. We’d like to help you figure out a safe way to deal with this situation. Please give us a call at 1-866-331-9474, chat here on our website or text loveis to 22522 for confidential support!

      Reply
  15. lovely_live
    lovely_live says:

    My friend and I are blackmailed by a hacker who hacked a classmate’s phone and threatened us to have intercourse with that classmate otherwise he would leak pictures of me naked. What should I do?

    Reply
    • LIRAdmin_BR
      LIRAdmin_BR says:

      Hi lovely_live,

      This sounds like a really stressful situation, and we’d like to help in any way we can. Please contact us directly by calling 1-866-331-9474, chatting here on our website or texting loveis to 22522!

      Reply
      • lovely_live
        lovely_live says:

        Thank you and I have called your number already. We reported to the police station and blocked my classmate as instructed and the hacker stopped hacking eventually. If someone attempts to blackmail again, I will call again.

        Reply

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