When Your Family Doesn’t Approve of Your Partner

When Your Family Doesn’t Approve of Your Partner

When you’re in a relationship, it may be important to you that your family gets along with your partner. And that makes total sense! It’s awesome when our partners can be involved in multiple areas of our lives and hang out with the other people we care about.

But what if that’s not the case? What if your parents or other family members disapprove of your partner? This can be really tough. It might make you feel terrible or torn between your family and your partner.

You might want to react defensively and maybe angrily toward your family if they tell you they don’t approve of your partner. You might even want to ignore what they say and just shut them out or keep your relationship a secret from them. Those are pretty common first reactions, but it can be helpful to think through the situation further.

Would keeping your relationship a secret from your family make you feel good in the long run? It might seem like the easiest solution, but remember: all healthy relationships are built on trust, respect and communication, and that includes your relationship with your family. If you already have a relatively healthy relationship with your family members (in other words, you feel safe talking to them and aren’t worried about them becoming verbally or physically abusive), it could help to find out what their specific objections are to your partner/relationship.

While the conversation might be difficult, it’s important to approach your family members as calmly and respectfully as possible. Ask them why they have an issue with your partner. Do they feel that your partner is too controlling? Do they not like the way your partner talks to you? Do they think that your partner doesn’t respect you? They may see some unhealthy behaviors in your partner that you don’t see. Still not convinced? Ask your friends what they think about your partner. Do they have the same concerns as your family? If so, take some time to consider whether or not any of your partner’s behaviors are warning signs. You can always call, chat or text with a loveisrespect peer advocate if you need more help!

If your family members can’t offer any specific reasons why they don’t approve of your partner, or if they don’t like your partner’s race, religion, sexual orientation or appearance, then the situation gets a little stickier. Disliking someone based on these factors is called prejudice, and that has more to do with your family members than your partner. How you handle this depends on what kind of relationship you have with your family, whether you still live with them, and how safe you feel with them. You might respectfully let them know that while you appreciate their feelings, you don’t agree with them. You could suggest that you all try spending more time together so they can get to know your partner better. If the relationship is causing too much strife with your family, you might consider taking a step back and building a friendship with your partner while you work things out with your family members, if that’s possible. Ultimately, what’s important is that you do what’s healthiest for you and your life.

Dealing with relationship issues and need to talk to someone? We’re here for you 24/7. Call, chat or text with us!

Comment section

75 replies
  1. Hey there! I’m in a bit of a bind. My partner (being my first serious love) and I have broken up twice. The first time because he lashed out on me and said a lot of hurtful things. The second because of Long distance. We are in South Africa and he is going to the States to study further. I haven’t seen him now for 3 months. My family and friends were/are very involved in my personal life. Something I regret because I get influenced by them a lot. They don’t approve of him because of the way he has treated me. If he gets really mad and hurt, he lashes out and says things that are difficult to take back. He had apologized for everything he has done, even mentioned specific things (which is something, because he has too much pride to apologize). I forgive him very easily, and I manage to dust myself off. I love this man with everything in my being and I believe him when he says he is working on himself. He had proposed to me three times, I denied it every time because I know my family and friends won’t really like it. Although, I can imagine a life and a family with him as clearly as if it were a reality already. I have been with other men, but I can’t stay committed to any of them. I try to satisfy my family and friends, but I’m not entirely happy… How do I handle this situation? Please help me

    1. Hi Siobhan,

      Thank you so much for being a part of our online community and reaching out to us with your comment! It sounds like you’re in a really difficult situation. Something that might be important to keep in mind is that, while anger is something that everyone experiences at some point in their life, there are healthy ways to deal with that, and lashing out and saying hurtful things is not okay. You deserve to be treated with respect all of the time, not just when it is convenient for him.

      It is great to hear that he may have recognized that his behavior in the past is problematic, but his apologies are not something that should stand alone as a fix for his unhealthy behavior. They must also be backed up by change in how he is choosing to work through his anger and how he treats you. You deserve to be happy and prioritize your own needs. In a healthy relationship, partners work through issues together in a way that does not require one person to be resilient to personal attack. While it sounds like you are an incredibly strong and resilient person, it may be important to ask yourself if his hurtful way of addressing issues does not change, when will that strain on your emotional wellbeing start to seriously affect your happiness?

      It can be really tough for friends and family to see someone they care about in a situation where they are concerned for your wellbeing. It seems like you really care about your partner, and it has to be your choice about how to proceed with your relationship and what the best options are for you. While it is easy to imagine what a life with him might be like, it might be important to keep in mind that expectations are not necessarily reflected by reality. A healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and open communication, and if you are the only one in the relationship willing to consistently work toward these principles, the relationship will not be healthy.

      Because we are a national organization based in the United States, our options for giving local resources for support in South Africa is not something we are able to do. However, if you are able to call us (1.866.331.9474), our advocates are here 24/7 to offer you a safe space to talk through your situation with you!

      Take care!
      Advocate GR

    2. Ive been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He is incredible and makes me so happy- he’s been nothing but supportive and kind since day one, and we share so many things in common. The unfortunate part is he met my much older sister prior to meeting me. They were only friends and never dated- but because he is closer to my age- my sister told him about me and showed pictures. One day I met him at my house and we had an immediate connection. Several weeks later he found me on social networking and we became friends. We had been talking for months and before we knew it- we were crazy for eachother. We decided to start dating. Ever since my sister has made the relationship a complete disaster. She claims Im stealing “her” friends and that he was “hers” first. Mind you- they never dated. She refuses to acknowledge him as ever being someone to join this family. My sister is incrediby selfish and stubborn and shes the type to hold a grudge and never let go. This dispute has also cause my mother to disapprove of my relationship since day one. She tells me its “wrong” and i should have “never dated anyone my sister knew in any capacity”. Shes rarely friendly when my boyfriend comes to visit. And shes made it clear that “he will never be welcome for holidays ever in this family”. Shes even gone as far as to say shes waiting for me to move on and meet someone else. Regardless of this treatment, my handy boyfriend is always willing to lend a helping hand around my house. Im in my mid twenties and im absolutely crushed. This man means the world to me, but I’m afraid this will permanently affect my family dynamics forever. Ive made it clear to my family it was never my intention for this to happen- but sometimes you cant predict love. The perpetual stress my family has caused is breaking me down, like Im sure theyre hoping for. Most of all, its not fair for my boyfriend do be treated with such disrespect. Any advice?

      1. Hi Lost,

        It takes courage to talk about what’s going on, especially when you’re experiencing conflict among the people you care so much about. Your family members have the right to their feelings and opinions but it’s not okay that they are choosing to communicate with you in such hurtful ways. I hear that their opinions and how they’re choosing to express them are extremely painful and stressful to you. It’s concerning to hear that you feel your family would hope for you to become overwhelmed with stress to the point of breaking down. That doesn’t sound like a healthy environment or honest, trustworthy relationships. You deserve to be safe and treated with respect in all relationships, not just intimate ones.

        If you haven’t already, it may be helpful to talk to your boyfriend about the situation and what options might be best for you, as well as the two of you as a couple, when it comes to your family. One option might be asking them to talk to you both together, if that’s something you think would be safe for you, so the situation can be discussed by everyone involved. If you don’t feel safe talking to your family, it may be important for your health and well-being to consider your relationships with your family and how much interaction with them you want to have. You have the right to decide which relationships you’re in and that includes family relationships. Our advocates are here for you 24/7 if you’d like to talk about this more. Feel free to call us at 1-866-331-9474, text us (‘loveis’ to 22522), or chat us online here at http://www.loveisrespect.org.

        Take care,

        LIR Advocate AS

  2. My mom her father and her boyfriend do not approve of my boyfriend because he’s Muslim and I’m Christian. It concerns her that if I continue to see him that I’ll marry him. I just rebuilt the relationship with my mom a few years back but I’m at a cross roads because I really like him but I don’t want my mom to stop talking to me because of this. He’s the first guy I’ve dated since my divorce almost 3 years ago and he’s the only guy that has ever treated me right. What should I do?

    1. Hi Alyssa,

      Thank you for reaching out. For your family to not support your new partner is very frustrating and it can be confusing. It is clear that you care about both your boyfriend and your mom. You have a right to pick the partner you want and to have others in your life support that decision. There isn’t a way to make your mom feel a certain way about your partner. What you can do is to make steps to reach out to your family and have them learn more about your partner or to express your boundaries when it comes to your family talking about him. Ultimately, you are the only one that can decide what is best for you. If you would like to reach out to an advocate to talk about your situation in detail, we are here 24/7 on chat, text, and phone.

      Take care,

      Advocate LC

  3. Hello

    My boyfriend is 26 and Im 38. We have been together almost a year and moved in together about 7 months ago. While its been a tough road (based on us moving in so quickly) and my children, its began to work its way out smoothly. It feels like both of our families our distant or non approving or our relationship, almost as if they don’t take it seriously or waiting for us to fail. It is frustrating and somewhat hurtful for me because I expected more support from my family and it is important that both our families are approving and supportive to some extent.
    We love each other and I feel this is a strong, valid relationship. Ive spoken to my boyfriend and he says we shouldn’t worry about what other peoples opinions are. Should I not put so much worry on what other people think? Any advice is appreciated.

    1. Hi Sylvia,

      We’re so glad that you’re part of our online community. It takes courage to reach out for support and to talk about what you’re experiencing. It sounds like the situations with your and your partner’s families are hurtful and frustrating. As our blog posts mentions, the reasons for their feelings and actions could be because of things they’ve witnessed between you two or because of their own issues or beliefs.

      Respectful and honest communication is an important component of any healthy relationship, whether it’s a friendship, romantic or family relationship. If you feel safe talking to your family about how you feel, it may be a helpful option to connect with them and hopefully find the support you’re looking for. If you want to talk more about the situation or how to reach out to your family, please feel free to connect with one of our advocates. We are available 24 hours a day/every day by phone (866-331-9474), by text (text loveis is 22522) or chat here on our website.

      We’re here for you!

      LIR Advocate AS

  4. Hi I have been with my current partner for nearly 3 years and my family have never approved. I have been married before and they were never a fan of him either. My friends think my partner is great and makes me so happy. We are at the stage of moving in together and getting engaged. I have 2 boys who think he’s great .The big issue I have at the moment is my sister is getting married next year and we are close however she is not allowing my partner to the wedding. I have asked the family on numerous occasions what there problem is with him to which they cant answer. I am now contemplating not being a bridesmaid at the wedding as going alone knowing my partner is sitting at home will be horrible plus he would have been great at keeping the kids entertained .I love him so much but this situation is tearing us apart. He has never once said not to go to the wedding but I don’t think I could go and wouldn’t want to go on my own! Please help!! x

    1. Hi Kimberley,

      Thank you for being a part of our online community, and I am so sorry that you are going through this! It sounds like your family is putting you in a really difficult situation, and if they are not able to offer any reason for their disapproval, this is not something that you can take responsibility for. You deserve to have your choices respected. It is not possible to make your family approve of your partner, and it’s not possible to understand why they do not approve of him if that is not something that they are willing to share with you.

      With the wedding, you know your situation best, and how you choose to proceed will have to be something that you decide. It may be helpful to talk through the options with your partner. Checking in with each other about where you are at in thinking through the issue, what options you both feel comfortable with, and what each of your needs are in working through this can be so helpful. You can feel justified in prioritizing your own wellbeing through this, and if your family is compromising that, setting clear boundaries with your family may be something that would be helpful to consider (this article talks through setting boundaries, and while it is written in the context of someone in a romantic relationship, there is still overlap in many of the principles for other relationship, such as with friends and family).

      If you would like to talk more about this situation and get talk through ideas for how you might approach working through this issue, I encourage you to reach out to us directly. Our advocates are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522) to offer a safe space to talk.

      Take care!
      Advocate GR

  5. My boyfriend mother doesn’t want him to be with me because I have two kids she never met me she don’t even know me One of my sons is 21 in college and other one is 16 and high school very respectable boys what should I do he wants to stay in a relationship and keep it a secret and I don’t want that should I leave

    1. Hi Sequese,

      We’re so glad you’re part of our online community and appreciate you sharing your experiences. It takes a lot of courage to talk about what you’re going through and the situation with your boyfriend’s mother sounds really hurtful. At this point, it seems that what you and your boyfriend each want are very different. It’s natural to have differences in a relationship and important that you’re able to talk about them honestly and respectfully.

      Deciding to stay or leave a relationship is a difficult choice to face and one that only you can make. It sounds like there is a big difference in what you and your boyfriend each want for your relationship. Sometimes, those differences cannot be resolved within the relationship and we encourage you to do what’s best for you and your family. If you’d like to talk more about the situation, feel free to call us at 866-331-474, text ‘loveis’ to 22522 or chat us online here anytime. Our advocates are available 24/7 to be a safe place for you to talk about what’s going on.

      Take care,

      LIR Advocate AS

  6. Hello sir
    i have been in relationship with a guy since 2 years ..i am doing b.com(1st year) and he is doing a job ..i have kept this relationship a secret from my family .but they have caught me many times talking to him and have warned me several times to stop talking to him and forgot him ..but i can’t do that ..we both love each other and we want to marry each other but after completing my studies .They say that he is not right for me .he is not well-settled yet and also because he is hindu and i am sikh. I don’t get along well with my family .please sir help ..

    1. Hi Harnoor,

      Thank you for reaching out for help with this, it sounds like an incredibly difficult and stressful situation to be in. If you love each other and are in a healthy relationship, it can be so difficult when your family doesn’t approve because of things like religious reasons. It’s a complicated situation, and it may be best for you to reach out and talk with one of our advocates. You can chat with us 24/7 through this website or call us at 1-866-331-9474.

      LIR Advocate CC

  7. Hi,im 29 yrs a mother of two girls,13 yrs ago i met a guy and all was fine till we broke up.he met another lady,and as the reason for our break up was the distance,we were still very close and when eva we see each other one thing would lead to another,this has been going on till today,i have met people in my life but they cannot be like him,i cannot love them enough,he had so many problems with the lady in his life and he would always say he cannot live her because of the child they have together,and i understood as i also have children whom have a gud relationship with their father.My family cannot stand him,and i never understood why as he is a very nice person,and I believe its all because my fiance,the father of my kids has money and takes very gud care of us,but behind all the lavish lifestyle he does not treat me well,he is emotionally and at times gets physical with me,but around my family he is very loving.He went and had an affair with one of the ladies i knew as a friend and had two kids with her,and he made me keep that as a secret so he wud not look bad in front of my family.I want to liv him so i can be with someone i love and he is there willing and waiting for me to decide,but im scared of leaving as my fiance has promised to take my kids from me,he is an attorney with lots of connections,at the moment im scared i will not be able to provide for my kids on my own,will i be a bad mother to leave my kids in their comfortable home,will they hate me for abondoning them.Will they understand that i can only see them on holidays and weekends,please someone out there help me,i have neva been so scared of my own life.

    1. Hi Pru,

      We’re so glad that you’re part of our online community. It sounds like the situation with your fiancé is dangerous and scary. You and your kids all have the right to be safe and we understand that sometimes the path to that safety isn’t clear. I can hear how concerned you are about your children’s safety and well-being, especially with the threats their father makes. Unfortunately, we know that abusive people will often use their children as a manipulation tactic to keep their partners trapped in the relationship. He has no right to threaten you or the kids or to use them this way.

      You have the right to decide what you do in your life and that includes whether you stay in this relationship. When it comes to leaving, there isn’t one right way to leave an abusive relationship, especially when you’re thinking about your children’s safety as well as your own. Safety looks different to each person because what each of us needs to feel safe is different. Our advocates are available 24/7 by phone (866-331-9474), text (text ‘loveis’ to 22522) and chat here online so you have a safe place to talk about possible options, including local resources. It may take time to find the best options for you and your children and I encourage you to be gentle with yourself as you work on figuring all of this out.

      We’re here for you.

      LIR Advocate AS

  8. I’m in a similar situation with my current girlfriend of 8 months. We are both in our 30’s and have good jobs. She has 4 kids and I have 1 kid, I sold my house and I bought a bigger house for all of us. Once things settled I noticed I’m over whelmed with her kids and our relationship and trying to blend this family is one of the hardest things I’ve done. My parents and family do not like her and now I feel like its effecting my relationship with my kid, who I see on a very limited basis. We are in therapy and what only after 8 months of being together I do not know what to do. Obviously we moved to fast and should’ve take things slower but I feel like I cant fix this. Please feel free to share your thoughts. Thank you.

    1. Hi Chris,

      I’m so glad you know about us and that we’re here to provide support and encouragement around all types of romantic relationships. It’s natural to get excited about a new relationship and make decisions quickly. I can imagine there were a lot of factors that you and your partner considered, especially around your children and the new family you created. It can be really overwhelming when you realize that a lot of changes happened quickly, especially when they are big changes like buying a house and moving in together.

      It sounds like you’re also experiencing challenges in your relationships with your family and your child, which can be really difficult. I hear that you’re concerned about your child and the time you two have together. It’s great that you’re focusing on your relationship with your child; it demonstrates how thoughtful you are as a parent. Complex family situations rarely have a simple answer but we’re here 24/7 if you’d like to talk more about possible options and what might work for your family. You can speak with an advocate by phone at 866-331-9474, text (text ‘loveis’ to 22522) or online web chat anytime.

      We’re here for you.

      LIR Advocate AS

  9. I am 26 years old and I have been back with my high school boyfriend. My family disapproves of my relationship. I haven’t told them we are back together because they hate him. The thought of him brings out a side of them that is not appealing. Extreme pettiness! My mom can’t have conversation about him or his family without hitting below the belt. We were back and forth throughout high school and some of college. We both wanted to do our own things but wouldn’t let each other go. Both guilty of lying or cheating in that time period. We’ve been apart for at least 5-6 years. He’s had two kids in that time period. When I found out I was hurt because I was still in love with him, but I was dating other people and we were not together. We’ve been back together for 7 months and have discussed marriage and moving in together to be the goal, but he doesn’t want to move forward until I come clean to my parents. He’s never been disrespectful to anyone in my family! His family loves me and they understand that we’ve been through things but they have never been mean or treated me different. My family is a different story. They hold grudges forever. We were kids and I was no angel. They think he’s just a thug but that’s not true. We’ve grown up and learned a lot over the years and now we are willing to take the risk. We are working on trust and our communication. We’ve identified our past problems and are not bringing into our relationship today. I feel guilty that I’m hiding this from my parents but I’m afraid of there reaction. They are so rude to him especially my sister… Who’s relationship is abusive in many ways but I never disrespect her mate. I’m unsure what to do. I hate drama it gives me anxiety.

    1. Hi Shannon,

      Thank you for sharing your experiences with our online community. It takes a lot of courage to talk about what you’re going through and the situation with your partner and your family sounds incredibly challenging and hurtful. Given the experiences you’ve had with your family in the past regarding your partner, I can understand why you don’t feel safe letting them know that you two are together again. The communication with your family sounds unhealthy, especially around the topic of your partner and that can be really hurtful to hear.

      You have the right to decide what information you share with whom in your life. It sounds like it’s important to your partner that you’re honest with your family about the relationship and it can be challenging to resolve different opinions. We have a page, here, that talks about conflict resolution and you might find the info helpful as you work together to figure out the best ways to navigate this situation for both of you. There are several great suggestions in our blog post about the experience with your family and we’re happy to talk about them with you anytime. Our advocates are available 24/7 by phone at 866-331-9474, text (text ‘loveis’ to 22522) or online web chat.

      We’re here when you need us.

      LIR Advocate AS

  10. I am a sophomore in college (19 years old) and I’m currently seeing someone who’s 24. We are not boyfriends and girlfriends yet, but we both really like each other and would like the relationship to get serious soon, which is why I told my mom about him but she does not approve and wants me to stop seeing him. There are many issues with this situation and I’m very frustrated and desperate. First, I had just left a relationship a month ago and got a Tinder account, which is where I met the guy I’m seeing right now. My mom is therefore skeptical and thinks that 1) I’m just seeing this guy because I’m desperate and too lonely, and 2) she doesn’t trust the whole “meeting someone online” kinda thing, and has read stories about girls being conned by older men via social media. I understand her concerns but Tinder is very common among younger people now, and I have already met this guy a few times in public; also, my friends have met him, his friends has met me and we’ve all hung out, I even had dinner with his parents and it was lovely because they’re great people and they really liked me. But another major issue is the fact that I’m in college and he started working straight out of high school and thus never went to college. He is a woodworker, which is a decent, honest living but my mom thinks he’s not of my “class”. I hate that she is judging him like this before she’s even met him, because he is a very decent man and age does not play a part in how we interact. We get along so so well and are both attracted to each other, but still my mom thinks we have “nothing in common” because we’ve led such different lives. I would love for my mom and this guy to meet but I’m an international students studying abroad in the states, so my parents can’t actually meet him in person. He makes me so happy and is so respectful and caring towards me – still my mom just thinks he’s taking advantage of me because we met in Tinder. That is absolutely not true. Everything is mutual and consensual. I’m so lost and I really want to be this girlfriend, but how can I reconcile what is going on right now?

    1. Hi Nicole,

      Thank you so much for being a part of our online community! It sounds like you’re in such a difficult situation, especially because the limitations on your potential relationship are outside of your control. You can’t make your mom like him, but you deserve to have your choices respected. It sounds like you’ve already tried to talk through this with your mom, and it definitely seems like her response has been frustrating! As the article above describes, her dislike of him may be based on prejudice instead of grounded in a tangible concern. That can create a very challenging environment because there may be little or nothing you can do to shift her perception of him.

      How to move forward with this is something that you will have to decide. It seems like you feel happy with entering into a relationship with this person, the he fulfills what you feel you Should Look For in a Partner, and that you feel confident about how Healthy the relationship will be. You should have the opportunity to pursue your own relationships.

      If you would like to talk through your situation or explore options for working through this, I encourage you to reach out to us anytime. Our advocates are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522) to offer a safe space to talk.

      Take care,
      Advocate GR

  11. Hi I have a problem with my family. They don’t like my girl friend they say she like my money (she a gold digger) she is using me . I love this girl alot she is everything to me. My granny liked her but she charged after my lil brother come back home. Now we don’t talk to each other and they are kicking me out of the family house. I love this girl she is my futer wife and I did buy the engagedment ring. Its easy ask her to marry me. Any help

    1. Hi Bongani,

      Thank you for reaching out. For your family to try to come between you and someone you care about is very stressful. You are the only one that can decide who is right for you. Even if your family doesn’t like her, that doesn’t give them the right to treat you with disrespect because you love her. There isn’t a way to make your family change their minds about you being with her. You have the option of expressing that you love and respect your family and that you also love her and want her in your life. If you would like to reach out to an advocate about this, we are here 24/7 at 1-866-331-9474, by chat, and by text through texting “loveis” to 22522.

      Take care,

      Advocate LC

  12. I don’t know if I’m in a bind or not I’ve been with the love of my life for 10 years on and off. We have a three year old daughter together and she recently moved out past couple of months the last 2 years 3 years we haven’t communicated at all and it led to cheating and infidelity in her side for couple men. Then I dated someone she knew shortly after this isn’t the first time in the 10 years this is happened mostly with her every time this is the only time I’ve cheated on her once her 5 6 in the 10 yrs we always find are way back to each other , this person is thr love of my life and we been through everything I mean everything together you name it the darkest of the darkest and bright moments as well. Sometimes I feel like she’s almost a lot of times I feel like she’s not as into me as I am her and when I’m dating someone she’ll come back and wanna show me the most attention I’ve ever seen and then goes away. And our parents really never wanted us together never did whole 10 years but we still been together and I proved her family wrong about me they’re very traditional old school Chinese. Now I own my own business and I didn’t 4 years ago I was in jail a lot, my life is changed since my daughter has came but I still seem to have problems always in our relationship but I feel like she’s not worth letting go I don’t know she feels the same for me or just a convenient time for comfort like I said it’s very complicated it goes on and on any help would be good

    1. Hi Dominic,

      Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you’ve had a lot going on, and been through many tough experiences with your ex partner. Trust, communication, respect and equality are all really important parts of making a relationship healthy. You both definitely deserve a relationship built on these qualities, and it might be something to reflect on as you decide if you would like to make things work or move on from here. We would also be happy to help talk through some healthy options for moving forward from here. We are available 24/7 by phone (1-866-331-9474), text (text “loveis” to 22522) or chat.

      Take Care!

      Advocate RF

  13. Hi! My name is Tiffany I can relate to some situations that is similar to mine! I’ve been dating a man for 7 months now in the beginning he was like prince charming. We talk weeks before dating . when I first met him to his house I saw kids I knew nothing about and he didnt wanna introduce them to me right away intill days after so he did even tho he did not want to. First few days he cooked for me,gave me massages, spoke nicely to me and so much more l. Make a long story short I ask him about his kids mother he told me she lost her mind and kids don’t get to see her so I believed him in till I found out she(his kids mother) was actually staying in his daughter room and never really came out so I lost it and approach him bout it he said she was visiting after already lying to me,I met her and introduce myself then days later I found out he had a 5th kid by her(new born) she kept over in jersey with her mother I knew nothing about! He said h wasn’t sure it was his. So days after she moved out I forgave him and tried to work it out do we did and everything went fine I introduce my son to him and his kids and we did things like a family but once he started getting comfortable with me his whole attitude started to change; he started calling me names,punching on me when he get mad,smoking,drinking and all do I tried to distance myself and told my family about what was going on and they wanted me to stay away and leave him along,he apologized numerous of times bit I feel like sorry is not enough! I really love and care for him and want him to get help

    1. Tiffany,

      Thank you so much for reaching out and telling your story. It sounds like you have been through a lot of upsetting and complicated situations in this relationship and that is definitely not your fault at all.

      It is actually very common for abusive partners to be very charming and attentive in the beginning stages of the relationship. They are great manipulators, so while this can seem like positive attention and care at first, it often is a sign of their need for control and power over you and the relationship.

      You never deserve to be put down, hit, lied to, or made to feel less than in the relationship. Healthy relationships are all about RESPECT, open communication, and trust, not manipulation and power. It sounds like your partner has been both physically and emotionally abusing you and that is not something that you have to go through alone.

      We really encourage you to contact us directly so that we might better be able to safety-plan with you and talk about possible options moving forward. If this sounds like something you would be interested in, please feel free to call us 24/7 at 1-866-331-9474 or you can also reach us on our live chat on our homepage, or by texting loveis to 22522.

      Thanks again for reaching out and keep staying strong!

      Stay safe,
      Advocate KB

  14. Hey, I have a Boyfriend who is so great very respectful most times. And he has a awesome heart. But one time I went out with him and I met his family. Me and his aunt ended up arguing because of his daughter there where drinking and had liquor all over so I didn’t see when he pulled the cup for her. So I didn’t want her to drink liquor so I took the cup and taste it before she drunk it. His aunt jump in and said that nasty so me I explained myself. I then said I am ready to go. He said okay. Now I felt he didn’t have my back at all. Anyways the aunt got in the car yelling at me calling me names and everything so me I started defending myself. He wasn’t she was calling me bitches and everything. He don’t deal with his family like that he apologize for her behavior I forgive. Then we went out one not and his baby Mother and her friends come up to him so I ask who are they he said his baby Mother. I have never been put in these positions in my whole life. And I love him so much. I don’t know what I should do? Every time I am around his family I say hey and I am silent for hours. HELP ME PLEASE!!!!! I even feel he is dealing with his baby Mother.

    1. Dear Tasha,

      That sounds like a really frustrating and difficult situation for you to be in. I’m sorry to hear that his relatives are making your relationship with your boyfriend difficult. It can be really hard when you are in a relationship and there is not support from your partner’s family. Maintaining open communication about what has been going on with your boyfriend is really important, and you always have the option to tell him that you would rather not be around his family or ex-partners. Please feel free to call us 24/7 at 1-866-331-9474 or you can also reach us on our live chat on our homepage, or by texting loveis to 22522 if you want to talk more about your situation.

      Take care,
      Advocate CC

  15. I have been dating a man of a different religion for a year now knowing that my family disapproves of this religion. My parents are Indian and have told me my whole life to stay away from people of this religion. Even my sibling raised in the USA disapproves of me being in a relationship with someone of this religion. I am deeply in love with this man and I feel that I am stuck between choosing him and my family. I tried telling my sibling about this man and he said he will stop talking to me if I stay with this man. I also mentioned it to my mother and she was fine with it at first but now says she has heard stories about other women marrying within the religion my partner is and getting divorced, converted, or abused in the longrun. She keeps trying to introduce new men to me now. I am temporarily living at home and will be moving out soon. What do you think I should do at this point?

    1. Hello Sonia,

      Thank you for reaching out and sharing what is going on in your life. That sounds like such a difficult situation. I’m sorry that your family has forced you into this position where you feel like you have to choose between them and a person you love. Your wellbeing and happiness are really important and we are always here to offer support. If you would like to talk with an advocate directly about the situation you are currently facing, you can reach us 24/7 on chat, at 1-866-331-9474, and by texting “loveis” to 22522.

      Take care,
      Advocate RG

  16. Hi there. OKay so basically six months ago I met this guy at church and like we started talking. Basically six months later we are talking about a relationship. He’s had a really bad past, was on hardcore drugs, but almost two years ago he got clean. And he’s been clean since then. My grandma who I live with met him once and immediately put judgement on him as she found out a little bit of his past because I willingly told her. And she immediately said that he wasn’t good for me. Not knowing at all how he treats me or how he actually is. And his parents are ten years apart as well and I get some of it because so are we. But I just have no idea how to tell her because I know she’ll judge him. And I don’t want that on him. So yeah. Idk what to do

    1. Hi Amanda,

      Thank you for sharing your story and for being brave enough to reach out. It can be really hard when a family member doesn’t approve of your partner, especially when it is a sudden judgement NOT based off of their experience with that person. So it completely makes sense that this is confusing and upsetting for you.

      You can’t control what your grandma thinks about him, but you CAN control some of what she thinks about you. If you are honest with her and openly communicate about the things you are doing, it might be easier for her to trust you and then eventually your new partner, as opposed to you being dishonest and not letting her know what is going on.

      It seems from what you are saying she is going to judge him no matter what you say. So it might be better for you to maintain your trust and support from her rather than lie and cut her out completely? I can’t say for sure b/c you are the only expert on your life, but I definitely encourage you to reach out to us to talk more about this on chat at our loveisrespect homepage, or text loveis to 22522.

      Best Wishes,
      Advocate KB

  17. I met a guy in school last year, where we became friends and started to get to know each other. Eventually we became very close over a matter of months and, In a nutshell, we eventually started to like each other. Before our first homecoming, he asked me to go with him, and I of course said yes. However, he ended up making the choice to go with another girl because he didn’t like the people that would be in our homecoming group. I was really hurt and upset, and he immediately regretted his poor choice. In a nutshell, my family and all my friends found out and were very angry with him, as I was. But he apologized many times and I ended up forgiving him after a matter of time, because it seems like he has changed quite a bit. We both have a lot of feelings for each other, and we have gone on a couple of dates. However, my friends and family do not approve of him at all because of what he did to me. I’ve known deep down that my family would never approve if they knew I have been seeing him in private, so I haven’t told them. Earlier today they caught me communicating with him via text and were very angry. They think that I’m too forgiving and I should not forgive him. I claimed that we are just friends, but they did not even approve of that. I really want to start a relationship with this guy, because I really like him and know him well and I think he has really changed, but my family seems to never approve. How should I approach this situation? I really want my family and friends to be fine with me liking him, but I feel really judged even with just telling my friends and family I’m only friends with this guy now. I want to be happy, but this is really getting in the way.

    1. Hi Confused,

      Thank you for being a part of our online community! That sounds like such a difficult situation, and unfortunately, there isn’t anything you can do to make your friends and family like your partner. You can only control your own choices. As the article above says, it can be helpful to talk with those who are not approving of the relationship, if that’s something you are comfortable doing. Communicating with them regarding their perspective and your own to see how you might work through this issue in a healthy way may be ideal. However, if their opinion of him is not something they are willing to reconsider, that can definitely put you in a really challenging situation.

      While Keeping Your Relationship a Secret can seem like the least problematic choice, at some point, your relationship will likely come out. One thing that may be important to consider is how you want that information to come out. If you can make that happen on your own terms, that can be important for maintaining a positive relationship with others in your life. That can be so stressful to consider, and if you would like to plan around what that might look like for you, that is something we would be more than willing to work with you on.

      If you would like to talk through this further and explore further options for working through this, I encourage you to reach out to us, anytime. We are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522) to offer a safe space to talk.

      Take care,
      Advocate GR

  18. Hi! So I am a lesbian. I’m open about my sexual orientation with my family/friends. My girlfriend is welcome at all of my family’s family gatherings. My family don’t like the fact that I’m gay but they love me the same and they love my girlfriend. The issue however is I’m not welcome by my girlfriends family. She is not allowed to mention me or even bring me to her family’s house. Not even to sit in the car while she runs in and out. Her father won’t let her little brother talk to her if I’m around. I don’t know how to handle this. She says she loves me and that her parents actions are not gonna make her leave me but she is very family oriented. She says that they have never said anything about me, that it’s her they’re mad at. They are very religious people and they say some very hurtful things to her. I’ve seen her cry way too many times. I can’t help but to feel that their actions are my fault. What I’m really wondering is if my relationship is gonna last. I love this girl with everything in me and I want marriage and a family with her. They say you marry the persons family along with the person…. I know that wouldn’t be a good thing in my case. Please help. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

    1. Hi Laina,

      Thank you so much for being a part of our online community and for sharing your story with us! That sounds like such a stressful situation for both you and your partner! You and your partner deserve to be accepted, exactly as you are, by both of your families. You both deserve a positive environment of acceptance and respect, and it’s not fair for her family to choose to create such a judgmental atmosphere.

      No one should have to experience this, and I’m so sorry that those outside of the relationship are impacting the potential for you to build a healthy relationship together. If you feel comfortable doing so, I definitely encourage you to talk through your concerns with your partner. It seems like you care about her so much, and you deserve to feel happy and supported in your relationship by those around you. Understanding where each of you stand, how your relationship might look, moving forward, and what each of you need for support through this may be helpful.

      If you would ever like to talk further about your situation or you are interested in exploring options for working through this, I encourage you to reach out to us, anytime. We are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522) to offer a safe space to talk about what you are going through. In addition, I encourage you to consider reaching out to the GLBT Hotline. They may have additional suggestions and support options available for you and your partner.

      Take care,
      Advocate GR

  19. My partner met my mum and brother the other day and my mum doesn’t like him due to the fact he didn’t come with a gift, the way he dresses and apparently the way he spoke but I can’t tell my family how much he looks after me after suffering anxiety attacks when I’m with him because I would travel in packed places. He shows me how much he cares. I love my family to bits and I love my partner to. My brother doesn’t approve of him either the same reasons as my mum and I’m stuck I just don’t know what to do and he also comes from a different background and when I told my mum she assumed things already and said I don’t like the way they talk or the way they look at their loved ones and most of them are disrespectful but every time I tried to defend him my mum said no don’t defend him. He made a few mistakes and I most probaly made a few mistakes meeting his parents, I just need advice on what to do because I’m so angry towards my family by saying they don’t want him in the house or me seeing him that much but I’m so in love with him my mum or brother don’t see that any advice ?

    1. Hi Dee,

      It’s clear how much you value your healthy relationship and care for your thoughtful partner. It’s great to hear that your experiences with him are so supportive and kind. I’m sorry that your mum and brother don’t support your relationship; it sounds very hurtful. As our blog post discusses, it can be especially difficult to experience your family’s prejudice of your partner. It sounds like you’ve tried talking to your family about the situation and they were not receptive to that conversation or wanting to hear you.

      At this point, it seems like you’re looking for healthy ways to process your anger about the situation. It’s really thoughtful of you to recognize how you’re feeling and think carefully about how you want to act on those feelings. Just like self-care or healing, everyone expresses emotions and works through them differently and I encourage you to find what works best for you. Some options might be journaling or creating art about your feelings, or finding physical activities like running to release the energy. If you would like to brainstorm more ideas with an advocate, you can reach us 24/7 via online chat, at 1-866-331-9474, and by texting “loveis” to 22522.

      Take care,

      LIR Advocate AS

  20. Hi. I just need advice for my current situation. Me and my bf have been together for almost 10 months. During our first few months of dating, I wanted to introduce him to my family. I tried. But my mom didn’t approve. She didn’t even want to get to know him. She just judged him by his appearance since he had two tattoos. From that time onwards she was suspicious of me. I had to resort to lying just to avoid conflict. I’ve tried to convince her that my bf is a good man. I met his family already and they strongly approve. I don’t know what will I do for MY family to love him. He says I should not stress much about it. Just wait for the right time. But sometimes I can’t help but envy other couples out there. He promised that once he gets a stable job he’ll present himself to my family. I don’t know what to do anymore. Can anyone give me advice? :'(

    1. Hi Arcane,

      I can hear how much the situation with your boyfriend and your family is hurting you and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are able to talk openly and honestly about what’s going on and that’s great; communication like that is such an important part of a healthy relationship. I can imagine how hard it is to feel that you need to lie to your family in order to keep the peace. Along with so many other members of our online community, it seems that your mom’s opinions of him are based in her own prejudice and that’s such a difficult thing to work with.

      With most situations, especially challenging ones like these, there isn’t one right answer that works for everyone. Often, finding what works best for you means trying various ideas until you find one that works, and we understand that the trial-and error process can be frustrating. I encourage you to be patient with yourself as you work through this. As our blog post says, while there may be different options to try, ultimately, it’s important to do what’s best and most healthy for you and your life. If you would like to talk with an advocate about the situation, you can reach us 24/7 on chat, at 1-866-331-9474, and by texting “loveis” to 22522.

      Take care,

      LIR Advocate AS

  21. sir
    I m in a relationship ,,she is love me very much ,,and i m also love her very much ,,,,
    But sir she belong to my sister family . til now only my sister know that we r in a relation ship and nobody ,,,,,it is true that we can`t live without any one ,,,,we can never think to live without any one ,,what i do i m also don`t know sir …

    1. Hello,

      Thank you so much for reaching out to our blog community.Everyone deserves a healthy relationship that is built on respect, communication, trust and equality. It sounds like this has been a tough situation. We would be happy to chat with you about what has been going on and help you talk through some options moving forward. We can be reached through 24/7 through chat, at 1-866-331-9474, or by texting “loveis” to 22522.

      Take care,
      Advocate RF

  22. My boyfriend and I grew up together and have known each other since we were 12. We began dating at the end of senior year, and have now been together a little over a year and a half. My family liked him while we were friends, but when we began dating, it was obvious that they didn’t approve. My younger sister (16) doesn’t like him for a variety of reasons including that she doesn’t think he is attractive. She complains that he is rude to her (even though I don’t see it) and that he is a “know it all”. He is incredibly smart and I think he could come off sometimes as being arrogant, but he is also incredibly kind, especially to my family. Despite the fact that I don’t think he is being rude, they do and it really hurts my feelings. My sister constantly makes comments about how I should date _______ or that I may find my future husband at this wedding, etc. She doesn’t even acknowledge that I am in a committed relationship, I don’t know what to do.

    1. Hi Jo,

      Thank you so much for being a part of our online community! It sounds like a really frustrating situation! Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, and it’s not fair for your family to make value judgments based on appearance. If you have already worked to communicate in a healthy way and talk with your family about your concerns, and they have not been willing to reconsider the way they are engaging with you and your partner, unfortunately, that may limit your options in addressing this with them. You only have control over your own choices, and that can feel so overwhelming when others make hurtful choices that impact you.

      You deserve the space to make your own choices and to have those respected. I encourage you to reach out to talk with us further about your situation! We are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522) to offer a safe space to talk about what you are going through and to explore options for working through this.

      Take care,
      Advocate GR

    1. Hi Help,

      Yes you can reach out to us through chat, at 1-866-331-9474 or by texting “loveis” to 22522. You will be connected to an advocate who can talk to you about healthy relationships and dating abuse issues. Our Contact Us page talks a little bit about what to expect and how we help.

      Take care,

      Advocate LC

  23. help!… thank you for an opportunity to share my pain… I am in love with a young girl who loves me even more than I love her, but my elder sister dislike her for a reason..# she said she likes men..but all I see in that is that my liver is just being social, i’ve tried to make my sister understand but she insisted.. what do I do please help…am a Nigerian…

    1. Hello Sam,

      Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience with our online community. That sounds like such a difficult situation. It can be really upsetting when you are in love with someone and your family or a family member doesn’t like them. One great resource that can offer support around issues with family members if Your Life Your Voice. They can be reached over phone, text, chat or e-mail here.
      If you have any questions or concerns about healthy, unhealthy or abusive relationships, please don’t hesitate to contact us directly. Advocates are available 24/7 on chat, at 1-866-331-9474 or by texting “loveis” to 22522.

      Take good care,
      Advocate RG

  24. Hi, so I need a bit (actually a lot) of help lol. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months now. However my family doesn’t know about him and the reason it’s hard for me to tell them is because they are extremely prejudice and only approve of being with someone of the same ethnicity. I am Persian and he is Mexican & I am 19 and he’s 30, they would also flip out about the age gap, which personally doesn’t bother me. It just makes me so sad because it’s not fair to him that I keep him a secret and still have to lie to my family when I see him. I do know my mom is suspicious of me because a few times she’s told me “you better not be dating any mexican.” My sister’s boyfriend is Persian as well and they shower him with gifts and love him so much. My boyfriend will never have that and I’ve told him and he gets really hurt but he understands my situation and is extremely patient. My friends tell me to just tell my mom but it’s extremely scary and so hard for me to do. I know once I move out i won’t have to worry but that won’t be for another few years. Is there anything to do or will I just have to accept the fact that they’ll never approve? Thank you for your time.

    1. Hi Nicky,

      We’re so glad that you’re part of our online community. Thank you for bravely sharing your story with us and reaching out for support. It can be so hard when your family’s prejudices affect your relationship like this. I can hear how much you care about both your family and your boyfriend and how much it hurts to keep your relationship secret. It takes a lot of courage to face a situation and be honest about the challenges you see. You cannot control your family or change their beliefs; that’s something only they can choose to do.

      In terms of possible options, as the post says, we encourage you to think about what might be safe for you. Given that you live with your family, talking to them about your relationship might not be safe. As the expert in the situation, we trust that you know better than anyone else what’s going to be best for you. It sounds like you have a healthy relationship with your boyfriend and that you two are able to talk about the situation. Having understanding and support can be incredibly helpful in getting through this situation. You are also welcome to give us a call (866-331-9474), chat online, or text (‘loveis’ to 2252) to speak with an advocate about this anytime, 24/7.

      Take care!

      LIR Advocate AS

  25. My Heart,

    I am in a relationship for 2 and a half years with a guy who is in prison. We met through a ex of mines. At first I was hesitant because he’s behind bars. But something told me to give him a chance. I know that he has children and he has a past. But my family and friends don’t want me to be with him. SOME know him from his past life and others know him through me. I have given our love a chance but I am dealing with everyone telling me they protecting me from him. When my mom comes at me like I am protecting you. But don’t talk to my other sisters dealing with worst then me. One because they have children with these men and done a lot of stuff to them but never approach them like she approach me. This pisses me off alot. I want to make my own mistakes. I really love this dude but how do I get away from people who already hate him. Not because they know him but because he’s in prison. In the saying is this is all games but I know he really loves me. I really sad, angry and disappointed about all this my mind is crying why me all the time.. why can’t I be happy.

    1. Hi Meme,

      We really appreciate you sharing your experiences with us and are so glad that you’re part of our online community. It sounds like the situation with your family is so hurtful and we want you to have all the support possible. You have the right to make choices about your own life, including who you are in a relationship with and it seems like your family isn’t respecting that right. No one has the right to tell you what to do or make you feel bad about the choices you’ve made. I can hear how hurtful it is that your mom talks to you differently than your sisters. Every relationship should be healthy, including the ones we have with our families and that includes communicating respectfully, especially about different opinions.

      As the expert in your situation, you know what will work best for you. One option that might be helpful to consider could be setting boundaries with your family about your relationship. For example, letting them know that you’re aware of their opinions and do not want to talk about your relationship anymore. You could let them know that if they bring up your partner or your relationship, you’ll end the conversation. If you would like to talk about this idea or other with an advocate, feel free to reach out anytime, 24/7. You can reach us by phone at (866-331-9474), chat online, or text (‘loveis’ to 2252).

      Take care!

      LIR Advocate AS

  26. Hello.. I am such in a weird situation right now.. its about me and my boyfriend trying to get married..both want it so so bad because we need each other and the bad news is that we can’t actually go out like other couples do, we don’t have the right to do so because his parents told him not to because of some religious views and we don’t want to get in details here.. but the thing is that we were actually dating like normal people, going out having fun with each other ect ect but suddenly the rules changed! They don’t agree anymore with it, so this is where we decided to get married and be together like living our lives.. but unfortunately his parents does not agree to a wedding so soon.. So i was thinking that maybe my boyfriend will fight the situation and convince his parents to a simple wedding but he isn’t, and the worst thing about it is that his mom doesn’t like me and creating family conflict, which now my boyfriend started to be so distant with me and let me tell you that this is so painful like i can’t even say anything to him, else he’s going to be more and more far away from me. Am so exhausted with thinking and feeling so bad about the situation with my boyfriend right now.

    1. Hi Sarah,

      Thank you so much for sharing your story with our community. We’re so glad that you’re part of our online community and know that we’re here for you. It sounds like the changes in your relationship have been so challenging so both you and your boyfriend. It can be so difficult when major changes happen so suddenly, especially if they weren’t choices that you made. I hear how hard you and your boyfriend are working to respect his parents’ choices, even when you don’t like them. It seems like the situation is affecting your relationship at this point and I can hear how much that hurts.

      Communication is a vital part of a healthy relationship and it’s important that you feel you can talk to your boyfriend about how you’re feeling. We have some great pages that might help, How Can We Communicate Better? and Conflict Resolution in Healthy Relationships. These pages might help you figure out some strategies to talk with your boyfriend about what’s going on. If you’d like to talk more about the situation or these pages, feel free to reach out anytime 24/7 to talk with an advocate. You can reach us by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522).

      Take care,

      LIR Advocate AS

  27. So my mom has a problem with my girlfriend ever since my girlfriend questioned why my mom was keeping my credit card. My girlfriend was only trying to help me win the situation over because I am 18 and it was legally and rightfully mine. So now my mom still doesn’t like my girlfriend, knows we are still dating, and I have no idea why my mom is acting this way towards her and acting like I don’t want anything to do with her anymore. Please help. I’ve already tried talking to my mom about it but she just gets loud, doesn’t know she gets loud, and it just upsets her, and I can’t communicate civilized with her. I don’t know how I can force my mom to change her mind about my partner, my partner and I both have things that I can see other people watching will not like, but there is no reason for my mom not to like my girlfriend. I really need help, please respond thoughtfully and take into consideration that I feel I have tried so much already, literally.

    1. Hi Dalton,

      That sounds like such a frustrating situation for you to be in, it is definitely not ok for your mom to treat you like that and to be unkind to your partner. It’s your relationship and you know yourself and your partner the best, and you have the right to decide what you need in a relationship and who you want to be with. If you need additional support about this, I would encourage you to reach out and talk with one of our advocates. You can reach us by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522).


      Advocate CC

  28. Hello, I’m 18 this year and have been dating my boyfriend (same age) for half a year now. He’s such a gentleman and we have so much in common. He’s the love of my life! We’re so in love we’ve already made plans for 20 years into the future. I know it might seem childish or immature due to our age, but I sincerely believe that with the mutual respect, love and trust that we have we can build a future together. I’ve been keping this relationship a secret from my family for about 5 months as we were studying for our university entrance exams and didn’t want the to worry. My parents have expressed concern since they realized I was hanging out with him a lot. And after coming out they’ve just flat out told me to break up with him. I really regret telling them, but I did so because it’s a serious relationship 🙁 And family approval means a lot to me.
    I feel that a lot of their concerns are built on prejudice. They think that because he’s a Chinese national (but he’s going to get local citizenship soon) he’s a gold digger, will pose as a financial burden and cause social rifts between me and my family/friends. They’ve even brought it as far as to insult his parents and say that they don’t want to be in-laws with Chinese people. Which is ridiculous cause they don’t know anything about his family yet. They’re not giving him a chance at all, and it makes me super indignant. He’s been really upset because of this, but has promised me to prove to them that he’s not at all like what they think. It’s so rude on my parents part. They don’t know how torn up I feel because I keep all breakdowns in my room. Help I don’t think I can stand it any longer. I know my parents mean well, but they’re really elitist!

    1. Hi Rachel,

      Thank you so much for being a part of our online community and sharing your situation! That sounds like such a stressful and upsetting thing to go through. It seems like you read through the article above and already identified that your family’s issues with your partner may be as a result of prejudice. That can be such a hurtful thing for you and your partner to experience, and unfortunately, if they are closed off to the idea of being accepting, there may not be a way for you, or him, to change their minds.

      It sounds like you’ve been talking through this situation with your partner, which can be so helpful. It might also be important to talk with him about how each of you might feel if their disapproval continues. I hear how much you care about both your partner and your family, and it can be so overwhelming when your family isn’t respecting your choice in partner.

      If you would like to talk more about your situation, please know that you are encouraged to reach out to us, anytime. Our advocates are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522) to offer you a safe place to talk.

      Take care!
      Advocate GR

  29. Hello, am a muslim girl in relationship with a hindu guy for 5 years. I did not tell my dad about it because i wanted to know my boyfriend and see if our relationship really works or not during these 5 years.As i deduced that my relationship was serious,i decided to announce my othordox dad about that and he was very angry. my mum knew my boyfriend since the beginning. When i told my dad about my boyfriend, he refused to meet him instantly. I was very heartbroken. My mum just loves my boyfriend and accepts our relationship. My boyfriend has a good job, just finished building his house, neither smokes nor drinks, well he is what all parents would dream for a potential husband for their daughter.As far as i’m concerned, i’m doing my last yr at university. Dad told me that he will never accept my boyfriend because he is a hindu despite my mom trying to reason him . I decided to complete my course, get a job and marry my boyfriend next yr.Please can you advise me. I really really want my dad to accept my boyfriend because he is someone very good at heart.

    1. Hello Sabina,

      It takes courage to share your experiences and we truly appreciate your openness with our online community. This sounds like such a difficult situation and I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I can hear how hurtful it is to you that your dad refuses to accept or even meet your boyfriend. As our blog post mentions, disliking someone based on factors like race, religion, sexual orientation or appearance is called prejudice. Your dad’s prejudice is about him more than it is about your boyfriend and, unfortunately, it isn’t something that you can change.

      It sounds like your boyfriend is very caring and your mum is supportive of you and the relationship. It’s great that you have such positive relationships with them both. Talking with your mum and your boyfriend about the situation might be really helpful, both in working through the stress and taking care of yourself and also, possibly finding ways to talk to your dad about the situation. It seems that you’ve thought about what you want to do in the future and it’s great that you’re focusing on your relationship and moving forward. If you would like to talk more about your situation, please reach out to us anytime. Our advocates are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522) to offer you a safe place to talk.

      Take care,

      LIR Advocate AS

  30. Hi, i have this main problem of my girlfriend’s parents not liking me cause im a girl and are very against it. They think it’s just a phase for her and wants her to breakup with me. We are both very determined to stay together but it is hurting her more and more each day with the restrictions and hurtful words we get from them. Is there any way I can solve this and make them see the bigger picture, acceptance perhaps? Thank you.

    1. Hi Pollyredka,

      Thank you for sharing your story with us and reaching out! That must have taken a lot courage so I am glad that you did.

      It sounds like what you are experiencing is really awful and hurtful so it makes sense that you are confused at what to do. Unfortunately, you can’t control your partner or her parents opinions, however wrong they may be. Your partner deserves to be able to choose who she wants to be with, so it’s upsetting that her family is not accepting her as she is.

      Maybe it could be a good idea for you to talk to her parents directly about what is going on? Or if that is too much, maybe coming around more to make yourself more known? What you are experiencing is prejudice, so you are definitely not at fault at all for your sexual orientation, and neither is your partner.

      Ultimately, it is important that your partner is not being forced to do anything that she doesn’t want. If you would like to talk more in depth about this, or would like resources to counseling for you or your partner, we are always here 24/7 by phone 1-866-331-9474, by texting loveis to 22522, or by online chat on our homepage.

      Keep staying strong!
      Advocate KB

  31. hi

    my problem is very much complex. i have been in love with my girl friend for three years now along the coarse of our relationship we happened to have a child out of wedlock. apparently my mother hates my girl friend (from day one) with passion and i dont know why we not that open to each other to talk about it (ie me and my mom). my girl friend tells me she hears a lot bad things my mom goes around telling people in our community about her and is somehow wearing her down. unfortunately the child we had passed away a few months ago a very much mysterious death that left me a void that nothing in this world can fill. along the way my mom have influenced the rest of my family to dislike my girl and at one point we had a meeting as a family where i was told to break off the relationship because my girl friends family is bad news. nw the matter is even worse after the death of my kid my girl friends famill who used to love me to bits is now ordering her to end things with me since my family hates her……nw we a secretely in love but up to when….we love each very much but the question we posing to each other is how is the future gonna be in as much as we would like to stay together since now both families are against the relationship,,,,,,,i need strong advice please help me out dont wanna lose my soul mate over other peoples (families involved) opinions.

    1. Lucky,

      That sounds like an incredibly stressful situation with your girlfriend and both of your families. It’s definitely not ok how they are treating your girlfriend and the spreading rumors and trying to force you to break up with her. If the two of you want to have a healthy relationship with each other, your families should not be getting in the way. You always have the right to cut off contact with your families if you want to choose to remain in the relationship but the stress of your family is causing it to suffer. It sounds like they do not have very healthy boundaries and are not respecting your autonomy to choose your partner, which is absolutely your decision. I’m sorry to hear about the death of your child and how that has affected your families’ perceptions of the relationship as well. That must have been such a difficult thing to experience, and should have been a time when you felt support from them rather than criticism and their desire for control over your life. It must have been so hurtful that they used their death in order to push their agenda on your relationship.

      It sounds like your situation with them is very complicated, and it may be helpful for you to reach out and contact us directly so that we can talk through it and help you with processing it and figuring out what the best options are for yourself. We are available 24/7 by chat on our website, by texting ‘loveis’ to 22522 or by calling our number 1-866-331-9474.

      Take care,

      Advocate CC

  32. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a half. We met at work where he was my manager. I left that job so we could date without having an issue at work. I told my mom that he asked me out on a date and she freaked out and told me that I was not allowed to date him because he has too much baggage (he was married before and was only with her because he felt bad for her) and he’s too old (9 years older than me. I’m almost 21 now and the only reason I’m living at home is because the school I was going to dropped my program so I have to wait until next fall to go back and finish my education. In the meantime, I’m stuck! I’ve met all of his family and they LOVE me–we’ve gone out to dinner multiple times and spent time together. I’m not sure of how to go about telling my parents (they just decided to get divorced, so that’s weighing on me too) that we’re dating or that we are going to date. I went to counseling for this and that wasn’t very much help. I’m thinking I just need to be firm and take control of the situation instead of being controlled. This is not a relationship out of rebellion. A close family member knows and my sister and her husband and they’re completely fine with it. Does anybody have any suggestions? I appreciate it.

    1. Hi MMK_48,

      Thank you for sharing your situation with us! It sounds like a lot is going on, and that you’ve already taken some great steps in finding supportive people and exploring other support resources. In Keeping Your Relationship a Secret from your mom, it may be important to keep in mind that the information that the two of you are dating may come out at some point. Being able to choose how that information is shared with your mom may be helpful.

      From what you shared, it seems like your mom’s concerns may be based around assumptions regarding his history as well as the difference in your ages. A difference in age does not mean that the relationship is inherently unhealthy, but there can be some red flags of unhealthy behavior that it may be helpful to be aware of, some of which are addressed in this article: Ain’t Nothing but a Number.

      As the article above mentions, if you feel comfortable talking with your mom about this, and you feel like that’s something that can be done in a healthy way, discussing her concerns, and communicating that you hear her but respectfully disagree may be something to consider. You deserve to have your choices respected, and ultimately, the way that you choose to move forward with this is something that only you can decide.

      It definitely sounds like there’s a lot to work through, and if you would like to talk further about options for approaching this conversation with your mom, creating a plan for yourself moving forward, exploring other support options, or if you have any other questions or concerns, I encourage you to reach out to us directly! Our advocates are here 24/7 by phone (1.866.331.9474), online chat and text (text: loveis to 22522).

      Take care!
      Advocate GR

  33. Hi, I’m 27 and I found this guy from social network and we started to talk and share things in detail. He is 32 doing his own Bussiness. He is from india. And I’m from malaysia. I spoke to the whole family of his. Been 10 months n v liked each other so finally his mom asked me to tell my parents regarding our relationship and I approached and told my parents. At first my dad agreed n spoked to his mom and ask them to come malaysia . Before that my dad asked one of his friend to check on their background. It was positive about their family but then he said they are not that well to do family. But actually it is a fault statement because he jus started his Bussiness 2 years back and manage to buy apartments, land and his own car. Upper middle class family. My dad doesn’t believe me. I argued and for past 2 days I never eat and sleep so, my dad decided to call the family again for my sake cause they already booked the tickets and I felt bad. They came and when they are here my parents cooked dinner, had birthday celebration for his mom and they spoked nicely. Later, in the morning my dad called up and said I don’t wish to send my daughter that far. I don’t understand the boys job. And our status is different than yours and was so rude to them. Moreover, my partner wanted to talk personally but my dad never gave him a chance to talk. All my other family people liked the family very much but only dad disagree. Both of us are so in love. I know I will be happy wit him n his family. Both of us couldn’t accept what really happen. And I need to convince my dad and he even humiliated his family and they are so sad and upset. Both of are in the situation of not giving up the same time we don’t know how to convince my dad. My dad is arranging someone else for me. I’m not happy. I want to live the life I wanted. What an. Suppose to do?

    1. Hi Neethu,

      We’re so glad you found us and reached out for support for this difficult situation. It takes courage to share your experiences and we’re so glad that you’re part of our online community. It sounds like your dad’s choices about your relationship were confusing and hurtful, for you and your partner, as well as other family members. It sounds like there may be cultural differences that are impacting your dad’s feelings and opinions. Your dad’s disapproval because of your partner’s income and social status sound like prejudice, and as the post says, that’s more about your dad than your partner. You cannot control what your dad thinks or the choices he makes, so it may be helpful to think about what you want to do.

      You know your situation and family and we recognize that you’re the expert here. You have the right to make your own choices in your life, including who you’re with. It might be helpful to talk to family and friends you trust about the situation as you figure out your next steps. Having other perspectives can be especially useful in such emotionally charged situations, and may help you see things you might not otherwise. It’s also important to focus on your safety, physically, mentally and emotionally, during this stressful time. Our page on Self-Care has lots of great ideas about taking care of yourself in different ways. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find strategies that work for you.

      Take care!

      LIR Advocate AS

  34. Hello I am in a dilemma. Have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and a bit now. We are extremely happy and have a very good relationship because we are best friends.A few weeks ago we found out I was pregnant which was a shock to both of us me being because I thought i couldnt get pregnant because of health reasons and him because he was not ready for this stage in his life. Anyway since then we have been bickering non stop which is something we never do. The main problem is my boyfriend is romany gypsy and i am mixed native american and Caribbean and therefore his family who is close to wanted him to marry someone in the romany community. I did not know this however and had I known from day 1 probably wouldnt of been with him. Now I am pregnant he is very sad and confused and saying his family (aunts,uncles mainly) will disown him and he will never be able to see them again because he has had a child with an outsider and unmarried also with someone they have not met. I should be really happy about this pregnancy but this is making it difficult. I feel like its going to come down to a choice of him choosing his family over me and the baby which i believe is wrong. I asked him why did he go out with me in the first place if he was so into following his family wishes and he said truthfully he followed his heart and is very much in love with me he has said he cant let go of me but does not want to be disowned either. I am unsure what to do my mum and dad have agreed to meet him and possibly his family but i feel theres no way round this if they are so stuck in there ways. I think its really selfish and unfair if he leaves me and the baby for his family as he is a grown adult and should take responsibility for his actions and defend me by standing up and fighting for what he loves which he says is me. He has been constantly crying and upset he hasnt said he wont ever see the baby or anything but he has said he doesnt know how he will be with me as they wont support him. i know its bad but i feel like saying to him you should pick me over your family because were starting our own family now and why should your child be left without a father. I do not know what to say when i meet them because I am really really angry. I do not know how any mother or family can encourage her son to have nothing to do with his child which i feel like she would do. He said if you marry an outsider in his family your family name is disgraced. its really unfair because we love eachother and have a great relationship but whats the point if he wont fight for me. I do not want any man in and out of my childs life and i do not think thats fair. Please help

    1. Hi Leilani,

      I’m so glad you’re part of our online community and that you’re reaching out about this situation. It sounds like a lot has changed in your life and your relationship in the last few weeks and I can hear how hurt, confused and angry you’re feeling. The fighting between you and your partner sounds stressful; I also hear that you’re talking honestly with each other about the situation and how you’re both feeling. That communication takes a lot of courage, especially in such an intense situation. It sounds like you and your partner have found yourselves having to figure out how to navigate this situation with his family, both as individuals and as a couple.

      You’re really thoughtful about how you’re feeling and it’s important to find healthy ways to process and release your anger, both for you and the baby. When it comes to what you do, you have the right to make the choices in your own life and it might help to think about what all of your possible options are. It’s important to respect that your partner also has the right to make his own choices about his life.

      When it comes to your relationship and how each of you is experiencing this situation, it may be helpful to focus on understanding the conflict your partner is feeling, rather than trying to address his family’s beliefs. Understanding how someone feels (empathy) doesn’t mean you agree or disagree with the situation, but instead focuses on what they’re experiencing. It sounds like he grew up with very different beliefs and traditions than you did, and those differences are becoming incredibly evident with your pregnancy. Having people outside the relationship that each of you can talk to, like family or friends, can be especially helpful as you process what’s going on and how you’re feeling. If you would like to talk to an advocate about this further, we are available 24/7 by phone (866-331-9474), text ‘loveis’ to 22522 or online chat. Please feel free to let your partner know that he is also welcome to contact us anytime.

      Take care,

      LIR Advocate AS

  35. I’m in love with my ex step dad. We start seeing each other when I was under age. I know that was wrong, but we love each other very much. I will not be with him because I know it’s wrong. He loves me very much too and would Mary me, but we know it’s wrong. The agony. It hurts so bad.

    1. Hi Stella,

      Thank you for reaching and sharing your story. You are the only one that can decide what relationship is right for you and how you want to move forward. Having a partner that your family doesn’t approve of is painful and it is difficult. From what you have shared it is clear that you care about you ex-step dad and he has been an important part of your life. For a relationship to be healthy each partner must be treated with respect and as an equal. Having someone who is in a parental role and older than you engage in a romantic relationship with you can make the power dynamics unhealthy. I want to let you know about our article on age differences in relationships at this link and our article on relationships that must be kept secret at this link. If you have any concerns about your partner respecting your boundaries and your right to consent to sexual activity with your ex step-dad, there is RAINN.org. If you would like to talk about the dynamics of your relationship or ways that you can heal and cope from the pain of this situation, I encourage you to reach out to an advocate. Our advocates are here 24/7 on chat, at 1-866-331-9474, or by texting “loveis” to 22522.

      Take care,

      Advocate LC

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