Black LGBTQ+ Youth Experiencing Relationship Abuse

People from marginalized communities are at an greater risk of experiencing relationship abuse. That’s why it’s important to know the warning signs of abuse and offer support early on. Partners who are abusive will use existing societal beliefs to maintain power and control over their partner. This could look like homophobic or transphobic comments to emotionally abuse their partner or use their race to discriminate against them.

This should not suggest that people in specific communities, like LGBTQ+ and/or Black communities, are more violent than their heterosexual and White counterparts. What it demonstrates is that victimization is more common for people in these communities.

There can be many internal conflicts for Black LGBTQ+ youth experiencing abuse. They may be dealing with their own internalized homophobia/transphobia, which can express itself in negative self-talk. Abusive partners often gaslight their partners or even blame the abuse on them, which could lead to conflicting thoughts about whether their partner is abusive or not, or if they are to blame. Lastly, they might be conflicted about how they feel towards their partner. If their partner is loving and sweet at times, while at other times, they are violent or aggressive, it can be confusing and difficult to predict their moods and actions.

A major barrier for Black LGBTQ+ youth experiencing abuse is the fear of losing their communities. If the abuse survivor is still “closeted” to most of the relationships in their life, their partner could threaten to out them to their family and friends. If a survivor comes from a particular religious or cultural background that is unfriendly or even hostile to the Queer community, they may worry about being disowned for being LGBTQ+. An abusive partner who identifies as LGBTQ+ could also create issues within the community. All these fears can lead to the survivor feeling isolated, making it hard for them to remain connected with people who know and welcome them.

Fear of law enforcement is another issue that African- American LGBTQ+ youth can experience. On average, Black men are 2.5 times more likely to be killed by police than white men, while Black women are 1.4 times more likely to be killed than their white counterparts. Queer Black youth might fear being hurt or arrested if they call the police on their White partner. They might also worry about how the police will treat their partner if their partner is a person of color.

Many African- Americans may distrust government agencies, nonprofits, or law enforcement due to years of racial discrimination and abuse. They may have had a family member or friend who was negatively impacted by a government agency, or they themselves might have experienced discrimination. This distrust makes it more difficult for them to reach out to programs or organizations that could help them.

When it comes to talking about relationships, young people often feel nervous. They might worry about how an adult will react when they bring it up. This can be especially true for LBGTQ+ youth, as they might fear their family or friends disowning them because of their sexual orientation.

It can take time to learn about yourself, especially about romantic partners. You could be exploring your sexuality or gender identity, and you aren’t 100% sure about things. This can make it hard to talk about. You might not know someone who can talk to you about it, or you may not trust the people around you with that information.

Unfortunately, healthy relationship education isn’t often discussed. If you’re in your first relationship (or if it’s NOT your first), you might not know what a healthy relationship looks like or means. You may think your partner treats you normally!

Your age can also impact your safety plan. If you are a certain age, you must attend school. This could be a place where you are forced to see your abusive partner or ex, which is another level of safety planning you must think about. Depending on your age, you may not be able to drive or have a car yet. This can make it much more difficult to leave if things get abusive or violent.

Your age can impact your ability to access services. Some programs may mandate reporters for child abuse, which brings other agencies into the picture. Others might require a minor to obtain their parents’ permission, which can be a challenge if you haven’t told your parents about the abuse. If you aren’t old enough to drive yet or don’t have a car, it can be hard to get to support programs or shelters.