I’m in a relationship and have a crush on someone – what do I do?

Relationships can be confusing. And when you add feelings or attraction to another person besides your partner, talk about a confusion whirlwind! It can be extremely difficult to navigate the situation, and even harder to decide what to do. It’s important to talk to your partner if you’re in a relationship and have a crush on someone.

Ultimately, it’s up to you and your partner to decide what the most appropriate course of action is. But here are some ways to navigate your crush on multiple people while in a monogamous relationship.

I have a crush on someone.

There are many reasons why you might be attracted to or develop feelings for someone. Having a crush on someone often involves an intense experience and usually passing infatuation. Maybe they like the same movies and shows as you or have the same weird sense of humor. They might participate in the same after-school activities, or their Spotify looks like yours. It could also be that you admire their style or find them cute. There are many reasons you are likely to fall for someone. Everyone experiences developing feelings or having a crush on someone.

What does having a crush feel like?

When you first start having feelings or attraction to someone, you might think about them all the time. You may wonder what a relationship with them would be like or what you could do together. These are normal things to think about. It also doesn’t mean you are unfaithful to your current partner.

However, just because you have feelings or are attracted to someone else doesn’t mean you want to date the person. Sometimes we are drawn to someone based on common interests, but it doesn’t grow into anything more. It’s worthwhile to reflect on your feelings to see if they are genuine or just infatuation with the person.

If you’re infatuated with someone or are attracted to them, you may just be interested in a physical relationship. It may also mean that you like the idealized version of that person, not who they really are. If you develop feelings for someone and talk to them a lot, it may mean you have unmet emotional needs in your current relationship.

I’m in a relationship and have a crush on someone.

It’s perfectly normal to have a crush on someone, even if you’re in a relationship.  This can happen whether you are in a relationship or not. When you have similar interests or get along well, you’re bound to think about them and if you’re romantically interested in them.

But what if you are in a relationship and have a crush on someone? If you’re dating someone and begin to develop an attraction or feelings for someone else (or multiple people), it’s a good idea to reflect on not just your feelings, but also your current relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else. In fact, it is completely normal to be attracted to someone else when you’re in a committed monogamous relationship. It doesn’t make you a bad partner.

Below are some crucial questions you should ask yourself during reflection.

Are you happy with your current relationship?

When you are attracted to or develop a crush on someone, it’s normal to think about your current relationship and how you feel about it. There’s nothing wrong with that! It’s helpful to reflect on your relationship occasionally to see if your needs are met or not. Some questions to consider when reflecting on your current relationship are:

These are all factors to reflect on in your current relationship.

It is essential to remember that if you are unhappy with your current relationship (or it’s not meeting your needs), that doesn’t guarantee that a relationship with someone else or the person you develop feelings for or are attracted to will be better. Relationships take work, so catching feelings or developing a strong attraction to someone else doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship will be better.

Do you want to explore something new and different?

No matter what kind of relationship you have, whether it’s long-term or a new one, relationships take work. When you date someone, you learn about their preferences, likes and dislikes, what they need in their relationship, and lots of other things. Do you want to start that process again with the person you are attracted to or your crush? It’s not wrong if you want to, but it’s crucial to understand the work that goes into building a new relationship.

Are you curious about polyamory?

If you are happy in your current relationship AND your feelings and attraction to the other person are real, you might want to explore polyamory. Polyamory is the practice of being in multiple romantic (and oftentimes sexual) relationships with the knowledge and consent of all people involved. An invaluable thing to recognize about a polyamorous relationship is that EVERYONE involved (your current partner and crush) must be okay with a poly relationship. Having a poly relationship requires honesty and open communication. If someone is not interested in a poly relationship, it can’t happen.

We’re here to help.

It doesn’t mean you’re a bad partner if you’re in a relationship but are physically attracted to or develop feelings for someone else besides your partner. It’s okay to have feelings or be attracted to someone different, but it’s wise not to act on those feelings or attraction (because that could be cheating). When you’re attracted to someone else, it’s worthwhile to reflect on those feelings to determine what you want to do with them.

Developing feelings or attraction to someone else while in a relationship can bring up conflicting emotions, which can be challenging to navigate. Our advocates are here 24/7 through chat, text, or call, ready to help you talk through your feelings and decide what’s best for you.