Traveling safely while online dating

When you meet someone you’re interested in (whether romantically or as friends) they should be kind! This could be a red flag for emotional abuse later on.

This could bring up an uneasy feeling you can’t explain, nervous energy, or an “ick” feeling.

They act one way online or when you first meet up, but then something shifts, and they act differently. You want to be with someone who is consistent in their words and actions.

Keeping tabs on someone is often a sign of control (which is what abuse is all about).

It could be pressure to keep talking after you said you weren’t interested or insist that you meet up in person to hang out. If you meet someone, they could force you to drink, do drugs, or do more than you are comfortable with. They could also pressure you to be intimate when you don’t want to. Whether it’s a kiss or sex, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do something you don’t want to.

This could mean giving you a hug when you wanted a handshake or continuing to ask about a topic after you said you didn’t want to discuss. If someone violates your boundaries, it shows they don’t value or respect your thoughts and feelings.

You don’t have to share your hometown, where you live, or the name of your workplace. Only share what you are comfortable with.

You don’t have to tell a new person where you are staying or if you are traveling alone or in a group.

Some people may use these to pressure or coerce you into doing something you don’t want to do, or they may share what you sent with everyone by posting them in other spaces without your permission.

Be up front and direct about what you want from the interaction. You can say, “I’m visiting and just want to meet cool people to talk to; I’m not looking for anything else.”

Clearly state how you want to talk to them. Instead of sharing your phone number or using other apps like WhatsApp, you might want only to use the dating app.

You only have to do things you want. If you don’t want to be intimate with someone or even kiss them, you can say, “We’ve just met, and we aren’t at that level of connection. No thanks.”

You only have to talk about things you’re comfortable with, nothing more. 

This gives you control over who can or cannot see your profile. It also makes it difficult for someone to locate or talk to you if you don’t want them to.

Remove personal information such as emails, websites, or phone numbers from your account bio. For added safety, you can change your profile name or picture to make it harder for someone to find you online.

This makes it more difficult for someone to use your social media profile to track you while traveling.

You never know what someone is experiencing in their personal life. They may not want people to see what they are doing, so it’s important to get consent before posting anything about them online, especially if you tag them!

If you’re worried about someone finding where you are, make sure photos keep your location private (for example, in front of your hotel or a famous landmark).

You don’t have to go to their home to hang out or have them over where you’re staying. You can say:

• “I want to see this park while I’m here. Do you want to meet there?”
• “I’d be happy to meet at XYZ for coffee or drinks.”

It may help you feel comfortable if you choose the place to meet, so you can vet it beforehand!

When you meet there, you have control over when you share your address. You could say:

• “I’m already out and near there, so I will meet you there!”
• “I’ve got something before then, so I will just meet you there.”

Whether using a rideshare or public transportation, it’s a good idea to get their on your own. This gives you more control over when you leave and lets you keep where you are staying private.

Share where you’ll be, when you plan on getting there, and how long you expect to be there. If traveling solo, you can still tell a friend or family member about the date.

Different substances impairing or incapacitating you can be slipped into a drink. If you don’t want to drink alcohol, you can say:

• “I’m okay; I’ll stick with this (a nonalcoholic drink).
• “I’m not feeling well, so no alcohol for me.”

Your purse, wallet, or phone has sensitive information which could be used to harass you after a date. Some apps can be downloaded that share locations or mimic texts and emails. Trackers may also be slipped into a purse or jacket, allowing the person to see where you are traveling.

It’s okay to end a date early if you feel even the slightest discomfort with the person. You don’t need to validate or explain why you are leaving and should not feel guilty for ending a date early. It’s okay to walk away without saying anything but here are some things you could say:

• “Something has come up, and I need to go. Have a good night!”
• “Hold on; I need to call back a friend quickly. Let me go do that.” You can step away and then come back, saying that you need to leave.
• “I have a big day planned (or early morning for a tour) tomorrow, and I need to go. Bye!”

If you need help leaving, talk to the bartender or server privately. They can help you leave or remove the other person from the building. You could say:

• “Hey, I’m here with someone I met online, and they are giving me serious creep vibes. Could you help me get out of here through a backdoor or something?”